very full from dinner at Friendly Khmer Noodle House. yummy pad thai with no beansprouts! we're concerned about the level of MSG, which has caused us both sleepless nights recently, but I'm feeling ok for now so don't think about it until I have to. a few headachy days too. wonder if its got anything to do with running out of meds!

Have been having lots of weird and awful dreams. A few fitful restless nights recently. A few tired grumpy days. The days are counting down though. I wonder if when all this is over and I'm on holiday, will I mind the bad/cold weather still? Probably. It was down to like 6 degrees today! Spring! Hello!

I'm editing my final assignment, then I've got some notes to highlight for my open book exam, and preparation for the very last viva. sigh. not inspired.

anyway it's been ok. top on the list for things that help/sustain me = God. second is my sweet husband, and he's been soooo good and supportive and loving and caring even when I'm downright Miss Grumpy Pants. I know it, I feel it. I'm so blessed. (third is my laptop, which my husband bought for me!)

ok back to work. sigh.

Sitting in a tucked away corner in the library by myself and a whole lot of stuff. the girls who had been opposite me are now gone so it's nice and quiet. it's always nice and quiet in the library in the later part of the semester, which i enjoy. but i also find it slightly depressing to see cars filled with stuff leaving dunedin for the summer. and people pulling stuff and boxes out of flats. and more and more power points free in the library.

this semester i was so uninspired for my assignments. i only enjoyed writing one, and that one i think doesn't really fit the assessment outline. another one i rewrote in 3 hours in a burst of rage about my stupid lecturer who goes on and on about "don't use references from the internet, i'm biased against wikipedia etc..." and where are his references in the lectures from? #@$%$ internet @#$@ of course!!! this is my latest pet peeve. people who 1) are hypocrites about internet sources 2) are ignorant or lazy or slack about referencing. and about this i mean lecturers who reference this and that person (1965) or whatever, and i know for certain they never read the original document. because the document is like unpublished!!!! so how can you reference it? they have obviously read about so and so's theory in some other person's book, so reference that! SO ANNOYING! for this assignment i decided to get to the very root of the source, a certain Tuckman (1965). had to recall the book out from storage but i have it, the psychological bulletin from that year. and i'm sure NONE of the lecturers who throw this reference around have EVER read the actual article.

i'm sure lots of people just reference "so and so's lecture slides", which is to me sloppy, plus the lecturers are also (hypocritically again) always going on about "check your source! is it valid? is it reliable? primary source vs wikipedia etc etc...."

*rage*

and i'm whiny cos i have TWO very similar assignments about groups.

oh but it's turned out warm so i'm happy about that. and we did a mystery shop on a flash car just now so that was fun doing the test drive. and we get $70 for it! not bad for driving around in a flash sports car!

so my life has its redeeming features. well i know i have a great life. i'm just grumpy due to this assignment, so all the more i must finish it by hook or by crook, whatever that means. my poor man is taking much grumpiness from me these few weeks!

Today we didn't see a single patient.

After MDT it was lots of paperwork clearing up cases and tying up loose ends. Must say I was helpful to my supervisor helping her make calls and write up notes and discharge people.

My final evaluation was at 2.30 and it went fast. She graded me as high as or higher than I'd graded myself last night (I bet most students don't even do this but I always do and for this supervisor that's good because she does actually want me to justify myself). Then we spent a good hour at least having a natter about life back in Sg and UK. So much so that we didn't have time for me to put my comments in the form so I brought it home. One last piece of homework I guess. (As an aside we found it amusing that when they'd arrived in NZ they thought cars were expensive and when we arrived we'd thought cars were so cheap here!)

Tomorrow and Thurs will be fun I think. Although we only currently have 8 patients. Interestingly, I'd imagined I would be faced with loads of stroke and Parkinson's patients, maybe a handful of dementia. But for my DFO worksheet which asked me to describe a condition that is "common in your setting" and that I was "not familiar with", I had to honestly and sincerely say it wasn't anything neuro at all. I must honestly say it was colorectal cancer. Of the 8 patients discussed at MDT today I noticed that 2 had colostomy and 2 had ileostomy. Only half the caseload  had normal plumbing down there!

This leads me to think about how horrible it is to have a stoma bag (ie bag attached to hole in your body direct into the plumbing to catch the poo as and when it arrives) and to live with one and to manage one, which is like after they take out the cancerous part of your colon or intestines or remove your rectum or whatever it is that they removed so that you can't poo like other people. Leads me also to how I learned it was the second leading cause of cancer deaths in the US. And how people's diets are killing them! But that is a whole other long thing for another time. Just don't downplay unhealthy bowels. As I read, one of the functions of your rectum is to "alert you when you need to poo". I'm so glad mine functions well! Imagine having a bag hanging off your side and it fills up with solid, liquid or gas whenever it feels like with total disregard for what you are currently engaged in, lunch, chatting, showering!

Anyway. 

Got a few home visits planned and hopefully the weather will hold. But the weekend looks set to be RAINY RAINY RAINY. Lucky I'm doing washing now so it'll dry by time I'm home tomorrow.

3 more sleeps! Stoked!

Week 2 is over! So fast, as usual. Midway already yesterday, went okay but full steam ahead in the next three weeks to achieve all the objectives. One case study, one education session and one activity analysis. Hope the right clients pop up soon!

This week I did some MMSE on my own, some education sessions, some initial interviews, wrote some notes. Did more home visits, attended more equipment demonstrations. Didn't know they were using Tempur for pressure care now. Ha! 

Been cold, but fine and sunny in the daytime. No summery weather. Below zero temperatures at night.

Going out for drinks this evening with N. Tomorrow hopefully going for gentler walks in the hills if the weather is good. 

Progressing on my sweater.

Getting along well with flatmates and work mates. All going well. Pangs of missing the husband now and again, like everytime I walk through the old hospital (morning and evening) and smell patient dinners. 

Yesterday I decided to go for a long walk around the neighbourhood, round the cemetery and the long way to the shops. It was beautiful and inspiring, but I got bored 10 minutes into the walk and realised why. My sweetie wasn't beside me, that's why. So despite the sweet fragrance and lovely colours of spring, everything is just that wee bit duller when I'm not with him.
 

guess i should update.

this semester is structured exactly the same as last semester, so 4 weeks in class, then placement (with 1 week holiday/travel time before and after) for 5 weeks, then back to class and straight onto the home stretch, assignments and exams. i didn't like it last semester, and i struggled very much with getting back to the right mode (ie last lap instead of just beginning) maybe cos i had 10 days off in between. struggled horribly also with health and mood but in the end in my weakness God provided me with strength so that because of Him and his grace and blessings, i came back with better results than in year 1. Got 3 A+s and 3 As. Topped in a few subjects.

more and more i realise i am nothing without Him, and thank God, goodness and everything that i don't have to do anything on my own strength. i couldn't manage for sure!

i'm now at the end of my first week of placement and because God picked this one out for me specially, it's been nothing short of excellent. great OT team, i'm fitting in nicely, they're all interesting and talk about stuff i am actually interested in such as chickens and lambs (!!) and great MDT, the nurses and docs are approachable and lovely, i'm having a good time socialising and learning much about conditions and stuff as well! how's that for incredible! the charge nurse manager even brought me a model of a colon when i asked her what 'diverticulitis' was! i'm going to name him Charlie the Colon, he lives in the nurses' station now. There's also a ward cat called Norman and at home there's a black cat called "Blue". funny animals, they are. skulking around suspiciously looking suspicious of everyone/thing and at the same time acting suspiciously as well. 

this week has been full of patient contact, assessments of different types, OT issues and interventions of different sorts, i think in the first week i learned more than in my 4 weeks at WH! crazy. i'm also more confident now about my own knowledge and contribution and about asking things i don't know.

i'm living in a huge L shaped brick house and takes me no more than 5 minutes to get from home to the office. when we leave for the day (and i like how the OTs leave at 4.30 on the dot, because these people have lives and real things to do after work, like feeding the lambs, and there's no need to ALB) we part at the main entrance because they are walking to the car and me to the house. i reckon we take the same amount of time to get to our destinations. we take our keys out but mine are house keys and theirs car keys. it's really refreshing to get home in the time i would have taken to reach the car! 

been eating well, treating myself to lots of veggies and fruit and good proper meals. i usually take a sandwich in for lunch, consisting of non-white bread, pesto, cheese, salami, tomato and baby spinach. yum! and a pottle of yogurt. and at morning tea i have some dark chocolate thins to dip into my coffee/tea, and muesli bars/bananas for afternoon tea and right after work. i get home and go for a jog immediately. doesn't take long and i'm home before sunset.

think i might sleep earlier tonight though i'm only due in at 830. bit of a fieldtrip tomorrow, doing a cognitive assessment on a deaf woman through her daughter and then going on a home visit. done by lunchtime yay! Saturday hopefully go for a walk in the hills as the weather looks promising and sunny.  

 last night after dinner i was about to take a shower when L came in and said, "We're having an earthquake." He took my free hand, (the other clutching my towel) and asked, "Can't you feel it?" A pause and then yes, I felt the house swaying. Not trembling like I'd once felt in Sg and not vibrating but a gentle sway, like we were on a boat, or like (which I earlier thought) I had had too much wine for dinner. "This feels just like when I'm drunk!" I informed him. He led me to the living room where we considered which table we should sit under (I read that in the event of an earthquake, stay under a doorway or a table). We have two hefty solid tables, my study table and the dining table. We decided the dining table was better (solid, space for two of us to stay together and towards the front of the house, which is upslope and hence less space under the house and more stable). 

For awhile nothing happened, and we wandered around the house together. I felt strange and small, like we could be wiped out anytime. I could have been found dead clutching a large purple towel! We decided to stay together for awhile so we went back into the kitchen where he had been putting food away. He told me he had seen the blinds move and then felt the movement and gone to look for me. While we watched, the blinds started moving again, ever so gently, as if there was a breeze, which there wasn't. In the living room, the pendant lights were swaying slightly, again as if there was a breeze, but nothing else moved. No glasses sliding off shelves or anything. It was weird and surreal because it was so slight, yet perceptible. Like a warning. 

L went to see if anything had been written about the earthquake but nothing had been yet. Not immediately, too early, I told him. I thanked God for protecting us and prayed for anyone who had been hurt. 

Today, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, there's news on the earthquake, which I'd forgotten until I read the txt from my best friend in sg. I reassured her we were fine. I went about my day productively, all the time knowing we could have easily been closer to the centre, and the swaying could have been less gentle, just by a slight bit we were spared. Everyday our lives are spared when others are taken. It's a miracle we live day after day, each day is a gift and a miracle. 

 Woke up to an unbelievable sight. a good 10cm of snow had remained from the snow overnight. dunedin never looks like this! looked and felt weird cos we are essentially like in a beach house with a couple of cm of wood between us and the thick blanket of snow. it's crazy! felt rather cut off from the world, especially since buses aren't running, and we don't have a radio at home, but got updates from the online local newspaper and friends. 

my viva exam was at first off, then on, then in the end i couldn't even make it into campus (which was closed, officially, i guess the lecturers have their own key and their own ideas) cos there are no buses and i certainly can't walk all the way there, not with this snow! but apparently in town it's clear on the ground now. well it's not here.

i know i'm not the only person stranded but i'm grumpy as hell about having to wait and see when i'll be rescheduled to. yes i have a bit more time to prepare but i'm over it and i want it to be done already!

grumpy as hell!

now i'm warm at least cos the husband came home at lunch (i wonder if he's worried at all about these road conditions - papers full of reports of accidents and how treacherous it is but he even offered to send me to school, except i wouldn't have anywhere to wait to be picked up cos the polytech is closed and the lib is also closing early today so i might be booted outside seeing as the husband always finishes work late) and started a fire and brought in another heater for my study. but i'm SO cranky.

i'm not inspired to work, nor to study for my upcoming exams. my life feels so messed up cos of today. i feel majorly thrown off. i'm GRUMPY!!!! yes yes yes don't tell me how lucky i am etc etc. I AM GRUMPY SO THERE!