Since term ended I have had the opportunity to help a few friends move some stuff specifically they were leaving town and stuff had to be picked up to be moved to the Postshop for posting or our house for storage. When I was in the car with T and L, we found ourselves in situations which I told them would have warranted much honking, swearing and possibly other forms of road rage on the part of the other driver directed at me/us. Mostly due to bad driving on my part, though not deliberate malice. Possibly just lack of skill, which I fully admit.

I was telling them how kiwi drivers were in my opinion incredibly read unbelievably patient and nice. In no other country I've been in do you see a queue of cars waiting patiently while someone reverses or parks in the middle of peak hour traffic without so much as a honk. In fact, here a honk is a social sound, like "oh hey that's my friend" not "you @#$%#$%#!!!!!" like I used to know it. I still turn around in fear when someone honks at me in case I did something wrong.

L piped up that she thought kiwi drivers were absolutely awful! but admitted she hadn't anything to compare them to we had many situations that day in which I had the chance to say, "If we were in Singapore, that person would be honking and swearing loudly at us!!"

Today in G's car, while he tried to back the trailer into our not-the-most-wide driveway, he was a picture of calm, telling me about how you had to reverse the car the wrong way to start the trailer going the right way, etc.. and he tried a good many times amidst the usual busy afternoon traffic on our road before L advised him to stop. He seemed quite disappointed but agreed, saying it was fun.

Now, I was REALLY glad we were in dunedin cos if we were in singapore, trying to back a trailer onto a driveway in the middle of busy afternoon traffic both ways...........

I often forget how big and incredible God is.
Incredible, as in, not credible, as in, cannot be believed.

It's hard for a small insignificant person to understand this. Like me.
Not that I'm insignificant compared to Bob or Bill or Mary or Anna.
That misses the point.

Insignificant in the grand scheme of things, in the bigger picture, in the wider context.
God is not only bigger than my exam, or my problem, or my whole life.
He is bigger than my life plus those of my friends, my family, my ancestors and descendants for generations before and after me. He is bigger than entire lives, businesses, empires, kingdoms, the whole earth.
This DVD provided me a lot of perspective. God is so much bigger than our tiny planet, than our tiny solar system, our tiny galaxy.

I cannot get my head around the thought, "Yet, despite, nonetheless, He loves me so much. Why?"
There are no words, sometimes. I think I need to be reminded very regularly what perspective is. God is more than the wish-granter, more than provider of my needs, more than saviour of the human race. The human race itself is insignificant in the bigger picture. I liked how Louie Giglio said all those breath-taking constellations and fearsome, unknowable structures out in space were simply to hang around and glorify God. That's amazing.

 L rightfully pointed out that not too long ago we were a relatively childless cell group. Well J was always there but usually asleep in his room when we came round. This past Tuesday there were 3 children, 1 toddler and 2 infants. !!!!! 

Infants were asleep, mostly. Toddler was simply lovely. He's my favourite little boy! And the 3 children were normal, I guess...

After that evening I decided I wasn't so clucky anymore. I can do babies and toddlers I think, but I don't have anything to say to a 7 year old or an 11 year old. 

Other random reflections/updates:

1) Boys are so rough! With each other, with sisters, with things
2) I think the age round about school age is the most annoying. The "I am so smart I know everything let me tell you" stage. Oh hang on, don't teenagers think the same? No teenagers probably think "I'm so smart I know everything shut up and go away". Charming.
3) I have 2 more weeks of class and then  Study & Assessment weeks. 4 weeks to the END but lots to do before that. my to do list is SOOO FRIGGIN LONG.
4) I want a dog. Anyone want to buy me a fence?
5) I've finished my turtleneck sweater but I'm too lazy to put it on and take a photo.
6) We have ceiling insulation! Govt gave us $1000 grant.
7) Moody, a bit.
8) I ordered interesting yarn from the US, can't wait for it to come! Two more projects in the pipeline. 
9) I got a coil put in last Wed. I survived! Going well so far.

 Was just in the tailor's shop to get the husband's pants back. There was a customer when I arrived and another as I was paying so our transaction was short and sweet. Normally when L is there she chatters on and on to him, but she doesn't really chatter to me when I'm by myself. Maybe it's because I don't give her any business (well I have before but not regularly like L) or maybe it's because she had plans to introduce her daughter to L but then he went and married me. Lol. 

Although she loves talking to L and I don't mind a quick interaction (cos what she normally talks about is her daughter, who's in med school, and the daughter's apparent lack of a boyfriend, about which L was supposed to be the solution I think, but this isn't going to happen anymore and maybe that's why she is less interested in talking to me, which is fine with me) she still wished me a good weekend as I left and I wished her the same. 

As I walked back up the hill I wondered to myself if the daughter actually knew about her mother's intentions (and L and I are both convinced the daughter probably has a boyfriend already, but maybe not one that the mother approves of, like a punky angmo not-doctor-to-be boy) and if she shared in her mother's wish. Anyway L and the daughter met before in hospital I think. I'm sure the mother would have raved about him too to her as she always raves about him to me when we're both there. That led onto wondering how many other girls would have liked to marry L. 

Apologies to them, because he's taken! By me! Wahahahaha!

Been thinking a lot about death lately, because of various happenings.

Two patients I'd been working quite a lot with died, one last Wed and another the Sunday before that.

There is a TV series that I sometimes get a glimpse of on TV if my flatmate is home early cos she follows it. Today a girl on the show who'd had cancer died and there was a funeral and colourful balloons were given out to everyone. And when her young husband (only married recently knowing what was going to happen) went home, he stood and faced an empty room and their empty bed. What a horrible moment that would be, I imagine. The worst moment is right after the funeral when the shock's wearing away and the people have gone (though not forever, but no one can be with you all the time can they?) and you're alone faced with an empty bed, room, chair, house. And that moment is repeated over and over and over again, every time you are in a situation from your shared life where there is now a large gaping hole. A hole shaped like the only person who could fill it.

I know anything can happen at any time. And in church when they celebrate wedding anniversaries we always cheer the couples when they say how long they've been married. 5, 10, 20, 50. I always think in the back of my mind, will we get there? I suppose the idea is that we live and fulfil our purpose for which we were made, and then it's over and we go home. So I'm sort of in two minds about it. Which I shouldn't be. But the final journey home will always be made alone, and we promised to journey together. So how?

I think I'll do some knitting. It calms and relaxes me. 

Today we didn't see a single patient.

After MDT it was lots of paperwork clearing up cases and tying up loose ends. Must say I was helpful to my supervisor helping her make calls and write up notes and discharge people.

My final evaluation was at 2.30 and it went fast. She graded me as high as or higher than I'd graded myself last night (I bet most students don't even do this but I always do and for this supervisor that's good because she does actually want me to justify myself). Then we spent a good hour at least having a natter about life back in Sg and UK. So much so that we didn't have time for me to put my comments in the form so I brought it home. One last piece of homework I guess. (As an aside we found it amusing that when they'd arrived in NZ they thought cars were expensive and when we arrived we'd thought cars were so cheap here!)

Tomorrow and Thurs will be fun I think. Although we only currently have 8 patients. Interestingly, I'd imagined I would be faced with loads of stroke and Parkinson's patients, maybe a handful of dementia. But for my DFO worksheet which asked me to describe a condition that is "common in your setting" and that I was "not familiar with", I had to honestly and sincerely say it wasn't anything neuro at all. I must honestly say it was colorectal cancer. Of the 8 patients discussed at MDT today I noticed that 2 had colostomy and 2 had ileostomy. Only half the caseload  had normal plumbing down there!

This leads me to think about how horrible it is to have a stoma bag (ie bag attached to hole in your body direct into the plumbing to catch the poo as and when it arrives) and to live with one and to manage one, which is like after they take out the cancerous part of your colon or intestines or remove your rectum or whatever it is that they removed so that you can't poo like other people. Leads me also to how I learned it was the second leading cause of cancer deaths in the US. And how people's diets are killing them! But that is a whole other long thing for another time. Just don't downplay unhealthy bowels. As I read, one of the functions of your rectum is to "alert you when you need to poo". I'm so glad mine functions well! Imagine having a bag hanging off your side and it fills up with solid, liquid or gas whenever it feels like with total disregard for what you are currently engaged in, lunch, chatting, showering!

Anyway. 

Got a few home visits planned and hopefully the weather will hold. But the weekend looks set to be RAINY RAINY RAINY. Lucky I'm doing washing now so it'll dry by time I'm home tomorrow.

3 more sleeps! Stoked!

today was really fun and productive. i came in, saw my first shower assessment, was whisked away to an OT study day with MH OTs from nelson and here, learned about Interactive Drawing Therapy, MOHOST and had a two hour lunch at Wither Hills winery (ooh flashy! these people know how to plan a study day) and ended the day with supervision during which I received some positive comments that my supervisor had received from other staff. :)

tomorrow, i go in at 830 to watch an old man (who doesn't know it yet but who will be my case study) have a shower after his stroke. 91 year old man. Lovely! But I'll only be maybe an hour (yes it took us that long today with the old lady this morning) and then I can come home and if I want, go back to bed and have my sleep in then. Ha.

I felt a bit awkward during the shower assessment today but not as much as I'd expected to feel. Just a little because I wasn't expecting to see a catheter+bag and a stoma bag. Eep! 

Funny that I thought the most common diagnosis in the ward on my placement would be stroke. It really seems to be rectal/colon/some other bit downstairs cancer. 

Only 2 weeks more to go and not even two full weeks and I have yet to do my case study nor my activity analysis nor my education session, not to mention study for DFO... Oh but I'm gonna and I'm gonna love it too! Hooray for 3 day weekends (even if it begins with watching a 91 year old man shower)!

off then to work. it's so interesting, really. especially the cryptic abbreviations. hooray for online medical encyclopedias!

I feel positive and excited! we're over the hill now!

 last night after dinner i was about to take a shower when L came in and said, "We're having an earthquake." He took my free hand, (the other clutching my towel) and asked, "Can't you feel it?" A pause and then yes, I felt the house swaying. Not trembling like I'd once felt in Sg and not vibrating but a gentle sway, like we were on a boat, or like (which I earlier thought) I had had too much wine for dinner. "This feels just like when I'm drunk!" I informed him. He led me to the living room where we considered which table we should sit under (I read that in the event of an earthquake, stay under a doorway or a table). We have two hefty solid tables, my study table and the dining table. We decided the dining table was better (solid, space for two of us to stay together and towards the front of the house, which is upslope and hence less space under the house and more stable). 

For awhile nothing happened, and we wandered around the house together. I felt strange and small, like we could be wiped out anytime. I could have been found dead clutching a large purple towel! We decided to stay together for awhile so we went back into the kitchen where he had been putting food away. He told me he had seen the blinds move and then felt the movement and gone to look for me. While we watched, the blinds started moving again, ever so gently, as if there was a breeze, which there wasn't. In the living room, the pendant lights were swaying slightly, again as if there was a breeze, but nothing else moved. No glasses sliding off shelves or anything. It was weird and surreal because it was so slight, yet perceptible. Like a warning. 

L went to see if anything had been written about the earthquake but nothing had been yet. Not immediately, too early, I told him. I thanked God for protecting us and prayed for anyone who had been hurt. 

Today, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, there's news on the earthquake, which I'd forgotten until I read the txt from my best friend in sg. I reassured her we were fine. I went about my day productively, all the time knowing we could have easily been closer to the centre, and the swaying could have been less gentle, just by a slight bit we were spared. Everyday our lives are spared when others are taken. It's a miracle we live day after day, each day is a gift and a miracle. 

 We had a great time in Wellington just relaxing, eating, drinking, making merry etc. The apartment we stayed in was on the dock so that it was right smack in town and close to everything but minus the noise and traffic. It was a one bedroom, just the right size for us, with a lovely bathroom with underfloor heating. That, I will miss. Everything was so comfy it was impossible not to relax and be happy! We explored town well and truly, shopped a lot, ate amazing food and generally lived it up in the big city. Saw a play, a french film and a comedy improv at a bar. 

The day after we arrived home was our anniversary! After the week-long festivities, we decided to mark the day by going out for a nice dinner at a new flashy restaurant near our house. It didn't disappoint. We didn't take any pics of the food (we would look so unglam and everyone would stare!), or of ourselves (rain- and wind-swept and I remembered why Dunedin life is incompatible with dressing up and wearing makeup.) but we had a lovely time. And then we came home, sat in front of the fire with the rest of the bottle of wine we started at the restaurant and re-read our wedding vows to remind ourselves of what we committed to, and to try with renewed vigour to carry them out as best we can. I don't know what other people think of wedding vows, but they generally don't say "I promise to try and be a good spouse when I feel like it". Those would be easy to keep. But ours promise body and mind etc, very full on so I was glad we went over them. I think husbands and wives need to be reminded of what the promise was, in order to keep them. 

After the weekend L went back to work starting at a new clinic down the hill from us, and this chapter will see us save lots of petrol money cos he walks up and down the hill to/from work, and he also signed up at flashy Les Mills in town. I'll continue to patronise good ol' Unipol. I must say when we went with the free trial passes to Les Mills, I did miss Fitness First. This gym is probably the most flash but still a good long way from the flashy gyms in Singapore. Can't believe they used to even give out workout clothes and provide all kinds of toiletries! Are Singaporeans the most pampered or what! There's no reason why everyone who is a gym member in Singapore shouldn't be super fit! Well I found myself thinking if I didn't have to bring anything except my socks and shoes to the gym, which was the case in FF but no longer here, it would be so convenient to go all the time! Yeah right. I don't remember going that much, though who knows when I get used to this if I ever join a gym in Sg again I will be so awe struck by how convenient it is I'll go... all the time! 

This week I've been taking it easy and enjoying myself by doing whatever I feel like when it takes my fancy. No such luxury when term restarts! I've been making food, reading, doing chores around the house, lots of knitting (still working on that scarf but almost there!)...

Next week I should probably start shifting my body clock away from 10 or 11am getting up times and more towards 6 or 7am. Sigh. And maybe do some reading. The results are starting to come back to us and I hope that motivates me to work harder and prepare more for next sem, although I am fully aware none of this is of my own strength, but God's grace and blessings. When I am weak He is strong, hooray! There is hope for me yet.

Waiting for the firewood guy to deliver 5m3 of firewood but he hasn't rung. Didn't give me an ETA either so I've been pottering around the house within earshot of the phone. Later I'll make a shepherd's pie for dinner. :) This week is probably the most varied in terms of dinner menu cos I've got the time and energy (and equipment, I lately realised is very important) to make nice meals. We had pork-and-prawn dumplings with noodles in homemade chicken stock on Monday, then homemade pizza-from-scratch on Tuesday, then Coq au Vin last night with rice and roasted pumpkin last night, and shepherd's pie tonight. Tomorrow, possible a chicken pilaf or a Turkish lamb something-or-other with pita bread and yoghurt. Also did an Upside Down Apple Cake which tasted lovely but almost caused me a massive rage cos the cake refused to cook properly at first. And finally used up the last of the apples from our tree yesterday making dried apple rings for L to eat with cereal.

Productive and happy! :)