Been thinking a lot about death lately, because of various happenings.

Two patients I'd been working quite a lot with died, one last Wed and another the Sunday before that.

There is a TV series that I sometimes get a glimpse of on TV if my flatmate is home early cos she follows it. Today a girl on the show who'd had cancer died and there was a funeral and colourful balloons were given out to everyone. And when her young husband (only married recently knowing what was going to happen) went home, he stood and faced an empty room and their empty bed. What a horrible moment that would be, I imagine. The worst moment is right after the funeral when the shock's wearing away and the people have gone (though not forever, but no one can be with you all the time can they?) and you're alone faced with an empty bed, room, chair, house. And that moment is repeated over and over and over again, every time you are in a situation from your shared life where there is now a large gaping hole. A hole shaped like the only person who could fill it.

I know anything can happen at any time. And in church when they celebrate wedding anniversaries we always cheer the couples when they say how long they've been married. 5, 10, 20, 50. I always think in the back of my mind, will we get there? I suppose the idea is that we live and fulfil our purpose for which we were made, and then it's over and we go home. So I'm sort of in two minds about it. Which I shouldn't be. But the final journey home will always be made alone, and we promised to journey together. So how?

I think I'll do some knitting. It calms and relaxes me. 

 We had a great time in Wellington just relaxing, eating, drinking, making merry etc. The apartment we stayed in was on the dock so that it was right smack in town and close to everything but minus the noise and traffic. It was a one bedroom, just the right size for us, with a lovely bathroom with underfloor heating. That, I will miss. Everything was so comfy it was impossible not to relax and be happy! We explored town well and truly, shopped a lot, ate amazing food and generally lived it up in the big city. Saw a play, a french film and a comedy improv at a bar. 

The day after we arrived home was our anniversary! After the week-long festivities, we decided to mark the day by going out for a nice dinner at a new flashy restaurant near our house. It didn't disappoint. We didn't take any pics of the food (we would look so unglam and everyone would stare!), or of ourselves (rain- and wind-swept and I remembered why Dunedin life is incompatible with dressing up and wearing makeup.) but we had a lovely time. And then we came home, sat in front of the fire with the rest of the bottle of wine we started at the restaurant and re-read our wedding vows to remind ourselves of what we committed to, and to try with renewed vigour to carry them out as best we can. I don't know what other people think of wedding vows, but they generally don't say "I promise to try and be a good spouse when I feel like it". Those would be easy to keep. But ours promise body and mind etc, very full on so I was glad we went over them. I think husbands and wives need to be reminded of what the promise was, in order to keep them. 

After the weekend L went back to work starting at a new clinic down the hill from us, and this chapter will see us save lots of petrol money cos he walks up and down the hill to/from work, and he also signed up at flashy Les Mills in town. I'll continue to patronise good ol' Unipol. I must say when we went with the free trial passes to Les Mills, I did miss Fitness First. This gym is probably the most flash but still a good long way from the flashy gyms in Singapore. Can't believe they used to even give out workout clothes and provide all kinds of toiletries! Are Singaporeans the most pampered or what! There's no reason why everyone who is a gym member in Singapore shouldn't be super fit! Well I found myself thinking if I didn't have to bring anything except my socks and shoes to the gym, which was the case in FF but no longer here, it would be so convenient to go all the time! Yeah right. I don't remember going that much, though who knows when I get used to this if I ever join a gym in Sg again I will be so awe struck by how convenient it is I'll go... all the time! 

This week I've been taking it easy and enjoying myself by doing whatever I feel like when it takes my fancy. No such luxury when term restarts! I've been making food, reading, doing chores around the house, lots of knitting (still working on that scarf but almost there!)...

Next week I should probably start shifting my body clock away from 10 or 11am getting up times and more towards 6 or 7am. Sigh. And maybe do some reading. The results are starting to come back to us and I hope that motivates me to work harder and prepare more for next sem, although I am fully aware none of this is of my own strength, but God's grace and blessings. When I am weak He is strong, hooray! There is hope for me yet.

Waiting for the firewood guy to deliver 5m3 of firewood but he hasn't rung. Didn't give me an ETA either so I've been pottering around the house within earshot of the phone. Later I'll make a shepherd's pie for dinner. :) This week is probably the most varied in terms of dinner menu cos I've got the time and energy (and equipment, I lately realised is very important) to make nice meals. We had pork-and-prawn dumplings with noodles in homemade chicken stock on Monday, then homemade pizza-from-scratch on Tuesday, then Coq au Vin last night with rice and roasted pumpkin last night, and shepherd's pie tonight. Tomorrow, possible a chicken pilaf or a Turkish lamb something-or-other with pita bread and yoghurt. Also did an Upside Down Apple Cake which tasted lovely but almost caused me a massive rage cos the cake refused to cook properly at first. And finally used up the last of the apples from our tree yesterday making dried apple rings for L to eat with cereal.

Productive and happy! :)

1. The hot weather is back YIPPEE!!! In fact it was too hot to work in the garden yesterday. Plus I was overwhelmed by the idea and execution of converting one of the back beds to a veggie patch, preferably raised. Decided to sleep on it, draw up some plans, and be real systematic about it.

2. Had a lovely time at the RB pub last night listening to the Calder Prescott quartet. Man are these old (and do I mean OLD) men happening! The husband kept saying he felt like he was on a cruise ship while I was wondering how the vocalist managed to sound exactly like Louis Armstrong. Practice? Loved it though. Must become regulars. Rather interesting conversation with Y and N too, about identity, culture, migrating, settling etc

3. Can't get into gmail! Why the heck not? Is anyone having trouble with this??? This is the third day and this is NOT ACCEPTABLE!

4. So the halter top called for 6 balls and I only used 3. Therefore I have 3 balls left. Because I don't want to start developing a STASH, I am thinking of what to knit this into. So far, I'm about halfway through a lace headband, as an introduction to lace work. Not bad so far. But what next? Gotta be something smaller than a halter top ;)

5. I changed my name at Polytech! Went in to do my enrolment for this year and officially changed my family name. :) Of course the man almost didn't want to accept the marriage cert cos it's all scribbled on (the story is that normally the couple gets the original license and the registrar gets a carbon copy. A wind took the original copy away so the priest gave us the carbon copy, cancelling and rewriting the line "This copy to be returned to the registrar" as "This copy to be given to parties of the marriage". And we had to go over some writing that didn't carbon copy out well. DUH of course it looks pirated!) and I didn't think it was such a big thing, changing my name, but after I left the office I felt warm and happy and as if it were a momentous event. I should probably also change my name on my driver license and then from now on, practice writing A Loh on everything :) :) :) I love being married to my husband! *grin*

some of you may know (well those who have visited or paid very close attention to pictures) that both our work desks were in the lounge because of how massive it is but more importantly the fireplace is there.

but during the "transition" period where the weather warmed up considerably (interspersed with wintry days still) L moved to the sunroom where the sun's heat gets trapped. plus it's our seedling nursery so lots of baby plants to keep him company and provide oxygen for a brain boost!

i've found this semester that i work best in the library so i haven't worked much at home at all. the imac has sat gathering dust while the macbook has come into its own.

finally today we moved my big desk from the lounge to the front room, the one with the lovely ceiling that i always imagined to be a study. it would probably be the second warmest in summer comparing all unheated rooms because it has large windows that face NW/W.

so here i am back on my desktop who's been feeling very left out of the end-of-semester action.

of course i still am procrastinating majorly because being at home just makes me want to do other stuff, like work in the garden (the list is endless), clean/tidy/launder stuff (which is also endless. and we have no kids! alamak!)

i MUST work of course. today in fact i "gained" some extra time cos when i went to placement N was out at an appointment and i sat with a cup of tea and a woman's mag i found in the sitting room and sat for half an hour only to discover on their return that she was due to go back again at 3pm. giving her 30 minutes for lunch and a rest, that would only leave us an hour for activities. she looked so knackered i thought it best to leave and try to make it up another time. so i came home less than an hour from leaving.

i took a nap myself on the carpet in the sun and later we went out, bought massive groceries and simultaneously cooked a chicken curry (me) and Lik's version of cassoulet (him). good teamwork! now we'll be fed for days :)

been feeling upbeat recently, sort of blissful, i think often that i'm glad we're married or that i'm glad i'm married to Lik since i like him so much it would be mighty inconvenient if i were married to someone else like Bob or something.

failed to sync the laptop and desktop so i shall just work on my desktop for now. went out and took some more pictures of the flowers in the garden today, they have changed so quickly, new ones come out all the time and the ones i took on 15 Oct are already passing away, some are already gone. i'd miss it all if i didn't spend enough time in the garden, you really gotta get out there, it's not possible to see everything from the house.

so i hope to upload the pics soon. i like documenting the lovely plants we've been blessed with, most of which i had no part in growing!

i've been reading other people's blogs regularly but haven't blogged in my own and today of all days finally thought better do it. think i was partly inspired by k's point form blog. i'll copy her and do point form too, hopefully in some kind of organisation.

(better try to do categories in chronological order)

1. placement in June.
week 1 was boring n slow. week 2 onwards picked up cos of proactively asking all the other staff to take me along if they had interesting patients/assessments. went well and final evaluation is glowing. flatting with a couple in a small version of our house was very nice too. my first flatting experience! went so well. we got along perfectly with common interests, could talk, same age group, similar experiences of travelling/studying. had our own space but interacted well and just enough. NO fights over tv remote or chores. i tried to leave as small a footprint as i could (which i do anyway) and they said i was their best tenant ever! we became friends and there're definitely plans for them to come stay with us next time round1

2. lik coming up to auckland.
went well, we stayed 2 nights in waitakere then moved to waterfront apartments on prince's wharf. luxury living for the week before our wedding. lots of shopping, meals at the hilton hotel, our neighbour, a big spa session before the wedding. very relaxing and weather was great, apartment was warm and very well done up

3. wedding
went beautifully. just us, two requisite witnesses, organist, priest and photographer. in a tiny chapel that couldn't have comfortably held many more people so it didn't seem so empty. a tiny historic chapel with dark wood inside. morning started with decadent long slow breakfast at hilton, then spa opposite us, then off to the church, then photo taking around town (was drizzly) then tapas and wine at a fantastic place in ponsonby. got a package from old friends in sg at the tapas bar and was so touched. they sent me tiffany pearl bracelet! felt so grown up heh. and so touched. and missed them so much! missed everyone who couldn't have been there but that upped my motivation to plan a party next year here.

4. road trip
left auckland the next morning, drove to taupo where we stayed across the lake (allegedly the area of sg) from the township in a lovely holiday village. then two nights later off to the middle of nowhere in martinborough perched on a hill overlooking vast expanses of land and a river and mountains in the distance in a designer bach. could see the entire night sky full of stars when we arrived late that night through the massive windows/glass walls. in the morning that same view transformed into landscape could be seen from bed/bathroom! almost like an open concept bath/shower i'd like one day. then wellington for a bit more big city life/culture then flew back here to dunedin.

5. school
started for a week. on thurs felt like 3-4 weeks already had passed. interesting subjects this sem especially social anthropology (taught by french butchy prof), inquiry (how to critique research), one module about design, as in product/environment design and how it enables/disables people, a longitudinal placement one afternoon a week, etc. will be fun! got more half days this sem too.

6. garden
teenage leeks outside doing well, i dug up my first organically grown carrot from seed! was very exciting indeed esp since it turned out better looking than i expected given the stony soil (they grow twisted and forked when they meet a stone in the ground, and we have many in that bit of the garden). my savoy cabbages also doing well though will take a while more to br big enough to eat. the apples weren't wasted cos though the tree was bare of leaves and the apples had all turned yellow (overripe) by time we got home from the trip the birds especially some blackbirds seem to like them and they come very tentatively when they can't see me (like, when i'm hiding behind the curtain watching from the lounge) and peck on the fallen apples. other birds (tui maybe?) are feeding on the nectar of the pink rhododendrons in the front which is really wang so everytime we come home there is a huge flurry and like maybe 5-6 tiny birds hastily fly away cos they aren't tame. i'm going to set up some food for them out back too with seeds to complement the nectar/fruit.

7. house
finally got the energy audit guy to come in, we'll have a better insulated house soon! and plans to do up the kitchen too, my first new kitchen, so exciting! never thought i'd get the chance to say what i want in my kitchen! (lately more inspired to start thinking again about efficient/eco design cos two of my lecturers (married) are building an energy efficient house from scratch including making 2000 mud bricks themselves! he brought one into class yesterday. incredible.) still, we have limitations cos of not changing the structure and too much of the layout. i enjoy living here and i love our park-like garden but i also look forward to a fully efficient well planned house that takes into account all aspects of the environment, orientation, sun direction, wind direction etc.

too long now gonna finish here. photos maybe later!