after two days of struggling to wake up before noon due to meds we finally figured to have me take it earlier in the evening so that i was really sleepy at night instead of in the morning, which meant i could get up sans grogginess like normal like the rest of the world hooray! double hooray cos it was a mild day, bit of sun, bit of cloud, a nice relaxing day.

started my day of domesticity by using up the three very ancient bananas to make nigella's banana bread/cake. i left it in the oven to stay warm while L was studying and i was outside in the garden so that when we had some later it was warm and the chocolate chunks were oozy and the crust was crunchy. yum! very pleased with that :)

then i felt very, very accomplished because for the first time i managed to make bread with potato water (ever since i got the domestic goddess book in what, 2005? and i read about it in there i have been thinking well one day i should try that shouldn't i?) but although it sounds simple enough (boil potatoes, save the water, use for making bread) it doesn't fit in with my life. either we don't boil potatoes often enough, or the one time i do boil potatoes i forget about the plan, or i remember but i might have just made bread, or i keep the water but forget to make the bread or something. but last night i boiled potatoes to make shepherd's pie topping and saved the water. today i took it out and bunged it in the breadmaker with everything else. lo and behold the stars must have been aligned! easy peasy! i am confident this sequence of events will not recur for another 100 years. (L says the bread is good, which makes me happy. personally, i'm over bread at the moment)

spent a lot of time in the garden leisurely doing this and that. i love pottering in the garden on a warm day with the doors wide open and the boy somewhere nearby :) and something yummy to eat when i get hungry and a LARGE bottle of water on standby.

i finally got out the two long pots i had in the sunroom over winter and revived the surviving parsley and swiss chard plants, added compost and sowed rocket/mesclun. sowed more rocket/mesclun/basil in pots. also sowed some beautiful borlotti beans direct in the garden (after MAJOR weeding - i know why people say "put your back into it!" now) which i haven't done before, both the species and the practice. i usually sow into punnets and transplant but i think these beans are big enough to make it in the garden plus the packet says not to transplant. ok lor. we got three colours, a dark purple, yellow and a speckled pink. i hope they take and produce cos they sure will make pretty minestrone soup! (already thinking ahead for cool weather food)

i divided the very old strawberry plants and replanted them, hopefully at least some will survive my rough handling in the wrong season for dividing. doesn't matter if they don't cos i was planning to replace them so any that do are a bonus! it was a last minute spontaneous decision. also planted out the broccoli, which will be interesting as they are called "midget". i wonder what that means? L thinks they will be too small to eat. Silly boy. I think I'm more interested in cooler weather crops or dwarf varieties to suit our shorter season and i've gotten over my tropical-climate envy. while it would be cool to have a banana tree, well, i couldn't have a lot of other desirable crops too like parsnips or apples or plums or tulips (not strictly crops but so pretty!)

more rain tomorrow. the kitchen/reno guys are coming round. wonder what'll happen in the meeting?

had a lovely and interesting weekend with my sweetheart :)

on friday after sleeping off the migraine and spending the day plant shopping/gardening he came home with a surprise video and we had a surprise movie date at home (i love B.O.B.! anyone else love B.O.B.? he's hilarious!) and on Sat afternoon we went along to the aquarium on the peninsula which is run by the uni which i've always meant to visit. they were running a session on seaweed! there was an educational bit where we watched a doco and we were introduced to various species (apparently nz has 1000 species and there are many, many undiscovered/unnamed species in the world) including the famous nori (jap name)/karengo (maori name)/pophyra (scientific name) and the more common bladder kelp. and the "gorse of the sea" the wakame... i liked how they were categorised: the reds, the browns, and the greens. simple! and even better that other than being good for you, free for the picking, available year round etc etc, they are all (apparently) not poisonous so you don't even have to identify them to eat them. best!

we went to the touch pool to touch some species which had been collected for us and one of the staff showed us all the wonderful things that can be made with bull kelp and a knife - jandals, a bouncy rubber ball, a handbag etc

then we traipsed down to the shore (didn't bring my gum boots but neither did most people) to harvest some seaweed before heading back in to taste an amazing spread made with the tasty stuff. i was quite impressed with the variety of stuff you can make with this ingredient, i tasted oatmeal cookies, chocolate brownies, asian flavoured relish, cheese sticks, kelp scones, "shark teeth", fried kelp chips, it was also tasty served fresh on crackers with cream cheese (different sorts having their own taste and texture) and dried, it can be flaked as a condiment or ground as a flour substitute. fresh it is used as a vegetable substitute. it's incredible!

i can't wait for my next seaside trip after lik's exams with a big plastic bag or two! we came away with several sheets of recipes too :)

have made more progress in the garden and while nowhere as prolific as last year (well year two was famous for being full on) i think we're coming on nicely.

and as a last minute sponsored holiday we're heading back from 1-15 jan. it was %@&^$@#$ hard to book with tickets disappearing from right under our noses!!! but anyway we've got them so yay. it's time i reckon to meet up with some old friends!

We had a lovely long weekend in welly. Flew in on Thurs and enjoyed the warm weather for all but one day (sat). Did a bit of shopping (chalkydigits was having a sale and my sweet man bought my an organic cotton hoodie in "falafel" and i LOVE it! wearing it as i type now) but not too much. visited our by-now regular shao la joint and maxed out again. we're getting better at estimating our stomach capacities but when it comes to sio bak and roast duck, fat chance! it was yummy!

no pics sorry because we didn't bring the camera. we stayed in a nice studio apartment on the terrace which was a steal from wotif and great location although i think we have become soft. we found the city too noisy and well, city-ish! how! people from sg cannot handle welly? omg! too many sirens and things? luckily we were on the 13th floor but still. not exactly quiet. i found i really missed waking up to birdsong and peace and quiet.

the husband's exam went well too or better than he expected, he was so nervous before but all the prayer helped and God poured out lots of grace. as an aside my first result came back "provisionally", which apparently means pre-moderation. well, "provisionally" i got full marks for my exam! crazy! Glory to God, who doesn't do mediocrity. It wasn't me! You'd believe me if you saw my half-baked "study notes"... I am a grateful recipient of His grace!

No the garden didn't take over again while we were gone, ha! Mustn't let that happen again. Have also been recently been under the husband's influence quite engrossed in Battlestar galatica, despite my initial reservations and some very annoying blonds I find myself quite pulled into their lives.

We might go back to Singapore (yes, again, the old "maybe") so stay tuned.

We are enjoying being home very much. I honestly think our home is nicer than many hotels and holiday homes so if only we could bring it with us to new places that would be perfect. L is studying for another 2 weeks then he's done studying for the year. Yes only for the year. More next year! Will it ever stop yo I don't know.

That's the update for now! Back to my summer light reading. Tess of the D'Urbervilles anyone?

today was really fun and productive. i came in, saw my first shower assessment, was whisked away to an OT study day with MH OTs from nelson and here, learned about Interactive Drawing Therapy, MOHOST and had a two hour lunch at Wither Hills winery (ooh flashy! these people know how to plan a study day) and ended the day with supervision during which I received some positive comments that my supervisor had received from other staff. :)

tomorrow, i go in at 830 to watch an old man (who doesn't know it yet but who will be my case study) have a shower after his stroke. 91 year old man. Lovely! But I'll only be maybe an hour (yes it took us that long today with the old lady this morning) and then I can come home and if I want, go back to bed and have my sleep in then. Ha.

I felt a bit awkward during the shower assessment today but not as much as I'd expected to feel. Just a little because I wasn't expecting to see a catheter+bag and a stoma bag. Eep! 

Funny that I thought the most common diagnosis in the ward on my placement would be stroke. It really seems to be rectal/colon/some other bit downstairs cancer. 

Only 2 weeks more to go and not even two full weeks and I have yet to do my case study nor my activity analysis nor my education session, not to mention study for DFO... Oh but I'm gonna and I'm gonna love it too! Hooray for 3 day weekends (even if it begins with watching a 91 year old man shower)!

off then to work. it's so interesting, really. especially the cryptic abbreviations. hooray for online medical encyclopedias!

I feel positive and excited! we're over the hill now!

50% of the placement is over as of today. I'm officially half way through (yes midway was a bit early).

the only other thing i wanted to say was that i came home today (i was first one home) to find a package leaning against the front door. it had a bright orange sticker on it that said "Fragile Avoid Heat"....


(what was it?)


... a box of 16 chocolates from de Spa Chocolatier in Christchurch, ordered by my sweet husband who heard me go on about my chocolate craving over the weekend (which by the way i'm sure is caused by my impending first-period-in-half-a-year, which i hope is also causing my bloatedness - i popped a button my work pants yesterday and had to sew it back on and reinforce the other one! ack!)


well thank God for picking me a house to live in that is not only 5 minutes from work, at the foot of gorgeous hills, but also features a front door that faces south, so that the whole house prevented any sun (and it was hot as today) from getting onto my little package of love. nothing is coincidental and blessings are never mediocre with this Father of ours! otherwise i might have come home to a sweet brown puddle to clean up.

had a nice long walk after i got home and opened my present :) then home for a lovely dinner, dessert and watched some tv, did some work. now with warm milk and biscuits in my tummy, i think i'm ready to crawl into bed. *yawn* 

guess i should update.

this semester is structured exactly the same as last semester, so 4 weeks in class, then placement (with 1 week holiday/travel time before and after) for 5 weeks, then back to class and straight onto the home stretch, assignments and exams. i didn't like it last semester, and i struggled very much with getting back to the right mode (ie last lap instead of just beginning) maybe cos i had 10 days off in between. struggled horribly also with health and mood but in the end in my weakness God provided me with strength so that because of Him and his grace and blessings, i came back with better results than in year 1. Got 3 A+s and 3 As. Topped in a few subjects.

more and more i realise i am nothing without Him, and thank God, goodness and everything that i don't have to do anything on my own strength. i couldn't manage for sure!

i'm now at the end of my first week of placement and because God picked this one out for me specially, it's been nothing short of excellent. great OT team, i'm fitting in nicely, they're all interesting and talk about stuff i am actually interested in such as chickens and lambs (!!) and great MDT, the nurses and docs are approachable and lovely, i'm having a good time socialising and learning much about conditions and stuff as well! how's that for incredible! the charge nurse manager even brought me a model of a colon when i asked her what 'diverticulitis' was! i'm going to name him Charlie the Colon, he lives in the nurses' station now. There's also a ward cat called Norman and at home there's a black cat called "Blue". funny animals, they are. skulking around suspiciously looking suspicious of everyone/thing and at the same time acting suspiciously as well. 

this week has been full of patient contact, assessments of different types, OT issues and interventions of different sorts, i think in the first week i learned more than in my 4 weeks at WH! crazy. i'm also more confident now about my own knowledge and contribution and about asking things i don't know.

i'm living in a huge L shaped brick house and takes me no more than 5 minutes to get from home to the office. when we leave for the day (and i like how the OTs leave at 4.30 on the dot, because these people have lives and real things to do after work, like feeding the lambs, and there's no need to ALB) we part at the main entrance because they are walking to the car and me to the house. i reckon we take the same amount of time to get to our destinations. we take our keys out but mine are house keys and theirs car keys. it's really refreshing to get home in the time i would have taken to reach the car! 

been eating well, treating myself to lots of veggies and fruit and good proper meals. i usually take a sandwich in for lunch, consisting of non-white bread, pesto, cheese, salami, tomato and baby spinach. yum! and a pottle of yogurt. and at morning tea i have some dark chocolate thins to dip into my coffee/tea, and muesli bars/bananas for afternoon tea and right after work. i get home and go for a jog immediately. doesn't take long and i'm home before sunset.

think i might sleep earlier tonight though i'm only due in at 830. bit of a fieldtrip tomorrow, doing a cognitive assessment on a deaf woman through her daughter and then going on a home visit. done by lunchtime yay! Saturday hopefully go for a walk in the hills as the weather looks promising and sunny.  

 We had a great time in Wellington just relaxing, eating, drinking, making merry etc. The apartment we stayed in was on the dock so that it was right smack in town and close to everything but minus the noise and traffic. It was a one bedroom, just the right size for us, with a lovely bathroom with underfloor heating. That, I will miss. Everything was so comfy it was impossible not to relax and be happy! We explored town well and truly, shopped a lot, ate amazing food and generally lived it up in the big city. Saw a play, a french film and a comedy improv at a bar. 

The day after we arrived home was our anniversary! After the week-long festivities, we decided to mark the day by going out for a nice dinner at a new flashy restaurant near our house. It didn't disappoint. We didn't take any pics of the food (we would look so unglam and everyone would stare!), or of ourselves (rain- and wind-swept and I remembered why Dunedin life is incompatible with dressing up and wearing makeup.) but we had a lovely time. And then we came home, sat in front of the fire with the rest of the bottle of wine we started at the restaurant and re-read our wedding vows to remind ourselves of what we committed to, and to try with renewed vigour to carry them out as best we can. I don't know what other people think of wedding vows, but they generally don't say "I promise to try and be a good spouse when I feel like it". Those would be easy to keep. But ours promise body and mind etc, very full on so I was glad we went over them. I think husbands and wives need to be reminded of what the promise was, in order to keep them. 

After the weekend L went back to work starting at a new clinic down the hill from us, and this chapter will see us save lots of petrol money cos he walks up and down the hill to/from work, and he also signed up at flashy Les Mills in town. I'll continue to patronise good ol' Unipol. I must say when we went with the free trial passes to Les Mills, I did miss Fitness First. This gym is probably the most flash but still a good long way from the flashy gyms in Singapore. Can't believe they used to even give out workout clothes and provide all kinds of toiletries! Are Singaporeans the most pampered or what! There's no reason why everyone who is a gym member in Singapore shouldn't be super fit! Well I found myself thinking if I didn't have to bring anything except my socks and shoes to the gym, which was the case in FF but no longer here, it would be so convenient to go all the time! Yeah right. I don't remember going that much, though who knows when I get used to this if I ever join a gym in Sg again I will be so awe struck by how convenient it is I'll go... all the time! 

This week I've been taking it easy and enjoying myself by doing whatever I feel like when it takes my fancy. No such luxury when term restarts! I've been making food, reading, doing chores around the house, lots of knitting (still working on that scarf but almost there!)...

Next week I should probably start shifting my body clock away from 10 or 11am getting up times and more towards 6 or 7am. Sigh. And maybe do some reading. The results are starting to come back to us and I hope that motivates me to work harder and prepare more for next sem, although I am fully aware none of this is of my own strength, but God's grace and blessings. When I am weak He is strong, hooray! There is hope for me yet.

Waiting for the firewood guy to deliver 5m3 of firewood but he hasn't rung. Didn't give me an ETA either so I've been pottering around the house within earshot of the phone. Later I'll make a shepherd's pie for dinner. :) This week is probably the most varied in terms of dinner menu cos I've got the time and energy (and equipment, I lately realised is very important) to make nice meals. We had pork-and-prawn dumplings with noodles in homemade chicken stock on Monday, then homemade pizza-from-scratch on Tuesday, then Coq au Vin last night with rice and roasted pumpkin last night, and shepherd's pie tonight. Tomorrow, possible a chicken pilaf or a Turkish lamb something-or-other with pita bread and yoghurt. Also did an Upside Down Apple Cake which tasted lovely but almost caused me a massive rage cos the cake refused to cook properly at first. And finally used up the last of the apples from our tree yesterday making dried apple rings for L to eat with cereal.

Productive and happy! :)

 I suppose I should update.
Haven't achieved much since I got back, except spending a lot of time bonding with my husband :) 
Haven't studied, the garden is a shambles, did do some clearing up, cleaning/housework, have been doing a LOT of washing, which is great, and I knitted a beanie. Picture to come.

Been feeling very much unmotivated, until today. Finally my desperate prayers were answered and I feel renewed interest in life, strength, purpose and self-efficacy. Did all school and household filing/accounting and my desk is clear and ready to take on a new heap of papers and books in the coming weeks. There are 8 weeks til the winter holidays and only 5 of those have classes. Then it'll be assessments and assignments again. It all starts on Monday with a Fieldwork debrief, which is rather zo bo. Then Tues is off for studying, Wed pm exam, Thurs full day and Fri half day Ethics Workshops, whatever that means. I got this all off the draft timetable for next week. Hope that Fri pm stays free cos the man and I are heading away for the weekend woohoo!  Date! 

The weather is still rather good considering it's mid April. Had some wintry days but the temperatures are climbing this week to a high of 17 or 18 again max in the daytime, which is awesome! Sun energises me and gives me go, grey skies do not. And cold temperatures promote inertia and hibernation.

But alas no more hibernation from next week onwards! Body clock, no more slacking! Everyone, back to your positions, holidays are over. Back to school mode!

Made two savoury mince pies for dinner last night and had some leftover filling on potatoes from the garden. (Also used some in the Pureed Chicken and Roasted Pumpkin/Carrot/Garlic soup the night before.)  Considering we didn't plant any of them, God has been generously providing us with late, late potatoes. Since I got home we have had 3 big harvests. It's really fun and satisfying to harvest potatoes from the garden (well especially if you did plant them, which we didn't, so it's just fun for me) because unlike other crops which you eyeball from the time they are tiny and count each flower, leaf and fruit to reassure yourself they are growing, potatoes are a total surprise. You know how many plants there are, but not how many potatoes each will have. So on harvest day you just dig a bit, feel around a bit and one by one they pop up as pleasant little surprises. We have both yellow and red ones and they show up so well against the dark soil. It's lovely :)

Tonight we have another date. We used to go to the gym together before I went to Welly and since I got back as I said I have been super slack but on Wed I did a proper workout, by which I mean a sustained amount of time on cardio machines (30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes cycle - thanks to iPod) and proper aching muscles the next day (chest, butt, arm - mmm!) from weights. I shall now endeavour to return to my previous routine of gymming every other day (with a measure of flexibility). So tonight after work we start with dinner together at home, then a gym date, then shower and head out for drinks. It's been awhile!

pretty tired, and i think there are two reasons for that - having a bush walk today which was incredibly hot and sunny, and eating too much for dinner. I had cooked a big pot of mince, carrots, tomatoes, onions, garlic on Thursday and it had lasted me until today, which is 4 meals, and is on the verge of too long in the fridge (though i always heat it up thoroughly) so although it could have been two meals or perhaps a meal and a half, i finished it. had it on a bed of boiled potato and raw baby spinach. yum! i splurged at the bakery on friday for desserts for the weekend, partly because its the weekend before my most stressful week at work, though quite a big part of the reason was that i was waiting ages for the ATM and the bakery happened to be there! i wandered in and thought ok i'll treat myself and then i felt bad just buying one item so i bought another. oh well. bakeries are not cheap! i had a slice of bavarian apple cake last night and tonight (or tomorrow night if i remain this full) i have a custard tart. yum.

yesterday i stayed at home and relaxed and it was a hugely hot day so i did some washing, vacuumed my room, changed and washed the sheets, which is my Sat routine by now. i quite like having a routine for cleaning and washing, cos then i don't have to work out which is the best day to do it, and it's fixed. we don't even have fixed routines for cleaning or washing at home! but here i do. it gives a little structure to my week, since i'm missing my husband whose collaboration usually produces some kind of structure to the week normally. did some work too. and walked to j'ville to buy groceries and visit the bank (and was waylaid by the bakery).

today i went to church with S and it was really interesting. M gave a sermon involving themes picked from several books and Bible verses. it was about Christians being rich, and middle class, and no longer going out to reach towards the marginalised, that Jesus used to do. And the verses were somewhat "radical" ones, like giving a banquet for the poor and homeless, is that literal? (i think so) and the rich young man who asked how to gain eternal life and was told to sell up and give to the poor and follow Jesus and he went away sad cos he was too rich, and the sheep being separated from the goats, depending on whether they gave food to the hungry, a drink to the thirsty, clothes to the naked and visited those who were sick or in prison and Jesus said whenever they did that to "one of the least of these" they did it to Him.

then i went into town and who did I meet but "one of the least of these". i was sitting alone on a bench waiting for my friend. a drunk man was singing and carrying on and lay down to sleep on the street. then he got up after a while and came and sat next to me. remembering what we had discussed just this morning i spoke to him nicely, with respect and without negativity. we chatted awhile, about where we were from, introduced ourselves etc, and shook hands. (i remember the friendliness of drunkenness). after awhile he asked me for some money and i hesitated and finally said i didn't think i could help him. i was struggling because as he later said, he wanted some dollars to buy a beer, he said he needed a beer. i tried to steer the conversation to did he live around here, so i could suggest he went home to rest, cos he looked like he really needed some sleep and food perhaps. if he'd asked me for money for food i would have said yup let's go get you a sandwich. but he said he was going to get a beer. so i said i didn't think i could help him and eventually he said he would try asking someone else, and i said ok, and my friend arrived so we left for lunch.

is it my place to judge what he uses the money for, knowing he needs it? does this count as "needing" money? does he "need" a beer the way a hungry person needs food? i don't know. i came home and shared this with both P and S to see what they thought or what they would have done. P said he would also have bought the man food but not given him money for beer while S didn't have any concrete suggestions. P asked if a man in a burning house wanted some kerosene, should we give it to him cos he wanted it? is that analagous?

i might pose this question to my old BS group and current home group and see what they think, what they would have done. on my part, i felt i did right speaking to him like to any other person, not judging him, but then in my heart i was gradually afraid that if i steered the conversation too much or tried to make suggestions of what he did need, he might get upset and possibly aggressive. but i didn't treat him like he was going to be aggressive at all, didn't draw away, shook his hand when he offered it twice, looked him in the eye, didn't move away until my friend came. i wasn't afraid of him, only thought he *might* get upset, which was a possibility same as anyone. i could have offered a meal instead but i didn't. did i lack courage? i don't know. it's not the money, so maybe i just wasn't confident enough to do as Jesus would have, which i guess is to say "You don't need a beer, come let's go and get something to eat together". I don't think my friend would have been very thrilled at that though.

Any thoughts?

After that we went for a walk in the bush and it was beautiful, plus a proper uphill climb that left us both slightly puffed. I felt I got a proper workout, which is good. A good use of a beautiful Sunday.

Tomorrow, starts another week that will zoom by. The only difference is I can't let this one go by without achieving what I need to do. There's going to be a lot, a lot of prayer, and I know a lot of prayer will be answered too.

10 days to go!

last night i dreamt that MT had returned. as in, he'd disappeared for years and years (which in a sense he really has since I haven't seen him since what, 1995?) but yeah he was back, came to look for me, looked totally different (though only realised this when i woke up, hadn't struck me in the dream) and we had an amazing reunion... all this strange and wonderful backstory came out, as in what had happened ever since way back when, and it was pretty sweet. now that i think about it properly (though lots has been lost over the course of the day, it was most vivid just in that space between sleep and waking), he was rather hefty, no longer the thin waify person i used to know. i found that out when we hugged each other, you know, when we met.

i told him it was all different now, and incongruous with all the other dreamlike details and sequences, in my dream i was married to L, as i am, and that was correct, and i told him that.

there was another guy, another old friend, who may just exist in the dream, though he was a dearly cherished friend in it, whose name was Blair. now i wonder who's that?

i let myself forget all the vividness and detail and saga during the course of the day, because i don't need to remember it. the meeting was sweet, a surprise, and enough for me. good to know he's doing well (and i'm gonna take it as that, cos i can really believe it)

went to church as usual, bought some groceries, came home and had lunch with the family. i had my never-ending risotto and they had soup, bread and chicken nuggets. i couldn't believe my eyes when they all put honey on their nuggets! personally i haven't had nuggets for ages, all that crap that goes into it, though i'm sure one day i'll have some for a treat, and i'm sure not to put honey on them. it's an american thing, and certainly not a kiwi thing. apparently. tonight i've planned a chicken curry udon with lots of veggies. yum!

studied some schizophrenia for DFO, now fractures. *yawn* i'm so not into orthopedics.

looking forward to the week, hope it's interesting and goes fast. stay tuned!

I did lots of work today. Steadily through the day. It helped a little that once in a while the dog would come and say hello, get a pat and sit with me.

Wrapped up for the day finally when the family set out to someone's place for dinner. Everyone's out. Even the dog was invited for dinner! I don't mind being alone. Started to make dinner, a wholemeal penne with pesto, mushroom, sage, tomato and heaps of garlic. It was quite yum, had it with the pinor noir I bought yesterday. And some chocolate kisses for dessert.

For a bit of company I switched on the telly. Caught the last bit of the weather and now it's a programme about boys being trained to become farmer and real men over a period of 2 years. When I saw the setting of the farm where they're training, out in the country, the paddocks, the animals, the bush, I wanted to cry for being stuck here in the city without my husband. I look forward to one day living in the country together. Not sure when that can happen. And I'm perfectly comfortable here in this home, but it's not my home and nothing's the same without my man. Even lovely meals.

Sitting at home, fed, warm, watching telly, with a glass of wine after dinner, and I feel like crying. Odd, very odd.

Not too bad a Saturday, woke to blue skies. Clouding over now though and rain is expected over the rest of the weekend. My mood often mirrors the sky, and that is probably a good reason to move to Nelson region which gets the most sunny days in all of NZ.

Got some work to do, and I'll do it too.

Got up about 9am and read the Bible, then went to make myself a proper weekend breakfast. Fried tomato, sauteed mushrooms with pesto, two eggs sunny side up and two slices of toast. Strangely, it didn't taste anything like what I expected it to taste. Not the same when one is eating alone I guess. Cooking the tomato halves and mushrooms on the pan over the gas fire reminded me of cooking on the gas barbeque out at Pah Rd.

Bought a book Middlesex by the guy who wrote the Virgin Suicides from Borders yesterday. Went in with an intent to buy a book, but nothing in particular in mind. My criteria were: fat (to last me the next two weekends at least), light (taking it in my luggage), complex (to engage my mind) but not entirely about love affairs/sexual escapades/adultery. That last one was born as I meandered around the aisles. I couldn't have known before I began looking that *that* many books were about love affairs/sexual escapades/adultery. Books pretending to be good solid novels too. I'm tired of love affairs/sexual escapades/adultery! Get on with yer lives and do something else meaningful! Take up a hobby, meet friends, discuss politics, have a cook out, get in the workshop, go see an exhibition, have a walk, clean the house, join a class, pick some flowers, take up knitting, hop on a train to somewhere you've never been to. And stop navel gazing!!!!

Sigh. Cranky. I don't want to work, I empathise with the dog who's lying next to me and who gets up periodically to whimper to me, or goes downstairs and whimpers to P. The dog is bored, and don't I know it. And I feel the same way buddy. Well, not bored, just inert. But I know I'll feel better when the work's done, so the trick is to not think about it, and just do it. No I don't feel like it, oh but I'm gonna.

This week I only spent 2 days at my own placement and only 1 with my supervisor. I spent one day at the acute psychiatric ward in town and another at the adolescent acute mental health unit out at Kenepuru.

Both days were very depressing for me.

The first, was depressing because after being away from acute wards and coming back to it I was struck by how it really was the same, whether it was physical or mental health, whether it was Auckland or Wellington, small or big hospital, whether the staff wore uniforms and name badges or casual clothes (and keys around their necks), it was still the same old thing - institutionalisation.

Lack of respect for patients, gossiping about them, not listening, not giving them your full attention, walking away before they can respond to a (closed, rhetorical) question you ask, judging patients by things that really are a matter of personal choice and not a matter of mental health.

At lunchtime I wanted to go home, or back to my own placement, because I was so depressed.

The second day, I was depressed because after hanging out with the kids for a day and playing games, singing songs, eating together, doing stuff together, you realise that is what they really are - just kids. And it's so depressing that they aren't out there doing what other kids their age do. They can't, maybe. They even have to get permission and find someone with a key to get outside into the sun in the courtyard. Like the other acute ward, all the doors are locked! And then of course one particular girl was very depressing because she was catatonic and people who may or may not understand what that is all about were forcing her to do all kinds of things, walking, moving, eating.

My question in mental health is: If a person has the right to refuse treatment for cancer or asthma or whatever, how come a person doesn't have the right to refuse treatment for mental health symptoms? Because they will harm others? Okay fine, they get put under the compulsory treatment order. Because they will harm themselves? Well who made you their mother? A person here has the right to kill themself. Suicide is legal. Treatment can be refused, so why can't food?

There may be times when I am tempted to force a person to do something "for their own good" but I hope I don't get sucked into it. Who made me boss of them or knowing what is best for them? Who says healthcare staff are experts? I reckon rather that the nature of the job attracts power hungry people, who don't really care, and only want to make decisions for people. Not all, but quite a few. To these people I say, go get a life! And make decisions for yourself, spend more time on that, you might benefit from that. Probably their own lives aren't even well thought out. If I ever want to do something "for your own good" may it not be because I treat you as a friend - that's another line not to be crossed. Get things straight. You're a worker, not a mother, not a boss, not an expert and certainly not a friend.

Today I was blue. I think the DP is wearing off and my period is coming. Uncharacteristically, I had carrot cake with icing for dinner and a glass and a half of a lovely Central Otago Pinor Noir and some of yesterday's leftovers when I got back here. Interestingly I had made a beef stew and brown rice, when I was packaging the leftovers I put the rice into the stew to save containers. And today it's become a risotto, lovely! Brown rice doesn't disintegrate as easily as white so still a lovely texture. Also got bought a nice fat book from Borders when I was in town, for downtime, and found of all things, a KnitWorld shop off Cuba St amidst all these quirky shops! Contemplating what combination of merino, cashmere, cotton, silk, possum, alpaca I want for my cardigan at the mo. Won't be able to start until at least I get back to Dunedin.

To bed early then. That would be best for me. And no one can decide that for me, but me. (And God, but He's the ultimate boss so no worries there).

Day 3 in welly and day 1 on the job...

It was very positive. Work environment homely and comfortable, very well equipped kitchen, even got a freestanding stove and oven! Supervisors lovely and easy to get along with, no generation gap there. My main supervisor is a 24 year old surfer who reminds me of D, down to the sunny disposition and blond beard. He's quitting to go travelling with his girlfriend so placement will finish early. Problem is then that I can't find a cheap flight to go home earlier on! Even if I finish on Wed, my current flight is on Sunday! Argh. I don't want to sit around here and do nothing. It's homely but not my home!

Anyway got the bus ok, got lunch from supermarket, got a bit wet in morning rain, went round visiting services in morning (nice to be riding along in the car instead of sitting indoors), lunch, then went to Porirua to visit more services, then to a cafe with both supervisors for our initial meeting. Then got dropped to J'ville where i got groceries and trudged up the hill. Dinner was made for me (! Haven't had chance to talk to the mum about me making my own food, though I must say it's nice to come home to hot meal) and we all sat down together, chatted a bit with both P and S separately, was nice, a bit like being part of the family. First time eating with the daughter, typical teenager always out, plus this one is active in drama in school and church too. M rang and asked us out for a walk, the parents had home group but I went and met B and M and M's husband. Went for a lovely walk up the hill and along a ridge until it got too windy and we turned back. Didn't see any calves but spotted wild blackberries and true to expectations the intrepid sisters went in among the bushes and thorns in their shorts and picked them. They were lovely ripe and sweet! I must say sweet blackberries is a rarity. Absolutely scrumptious and I was really impressed how M knew what berries were what along the way.

A brisk walk back in the darkening and cooling evening and a nice end to the day. All that prayer certainly never goes to waste :)

(just occurred to me funny how both placements are/were in places beginning with "w")

it's the end of week 2 and we're away after week 4 and i haven't got accommodation! but i'm not terribly worried because i know God will provide at the right time.

school is insanely busy and if i was ever bored last year i certainly won't be this year. the chasing up of references and supplementary readings is endless! got some really keen-bean lecturers and i'm not complaining!

been dreaming a lot of my usual lotsaplot/saga type dreams. i realised this morning that if dreaming occurs during REM sleep and REM sleep is essential to waking rested and refreshed, then it's a good sign to be dreaming so much! must mean i'm getting lots of good REM sleep. heh... that's what i am gonna believe anyway.

we were in the lib yesterday when the husband suddenly suggested going for a spontaneous movie date :) so we were to see slumdog millionaire and needless to say, i missed india SO MUCH! i loved how he knew so much from living it, through necessity. like the benjamin franklin bit. and i must also say the cesspool bit was rather um.... i don't know, how accurate is that? i remember being in the villages and going on the ground, sans the large pool underneath. and as for my one and only encounter so far with composting toilets, i must say, the one we used was nothing like that. it was dry and smelled of grain. we used sawdust to "flush" and maybe salim should have invested in some too, that would have saved his brother somewhat.

today the husband woke up late so i drove to school myself for a full day of class. he took the bus to work. when i got home what did i see but a vase of freshly cut deep pink roses from our garden on my desk! awww!! *grin* this year i really enjoy having fresh cut flowers around the house which make the rooms smell and look gorgeous.. but i love them more when they're cut by my husband for me! who needs to spend $$$ on florists?

we also had a lunch date on tuesday at a new taiwanese place. it's a very interesting sort of cuisine, sort of maybe indigenous tribe cuisine? as opposed to more usual taiwanese fare. i had a cold, sort of noodle salad with julienned cucumber, ham or luncheon meat of sorts and carrots. yum! prices are good too, and i'm sure we'll be back. yay this is the second asian place i really like, the first being korean house. i just can't handle the ubiquitous unspecified "asian" noodle places which lace their food with what can only be copious amounts of MSG. i just can't handle it anymore. i go into MSG coma+headache+groggy etc. this also happens if i eat instant noodles and that is so hard to believe since i spent my childhood (and much of tertiary life) eating those very same noodles! maybe it's true once your body is used to fresh, healthy food unlaced with strange chemicals, you develop an aversion or reaction to it. for sure "instant" meals are nothing like freshly cooked from scratch, but i'm not that picky an eater, and i can still stomach even airplane food without much complaint. just no MSG.

i'm looking forward to the weekend. it's cold, grey and damp this week, very wintry, and i don't think my tomato plants are very happy about that! but we are getting a bread machine finally because we eat so much bread and at this stage much as i would like to i can't cope with baking all the bread we need. so bread machine it will be. it'll work out cheaper and healthier since we can control what goes into it. and certainly it'll be a treat to wake up to baking smells and have fresh bread for brekkie!

it was a long day 8-5 today and i'm still working on some assignments so back to that until it's time to pick the man up from work and retire together for the night... thank God fridays are short days!

the past few days have been very cook-y.

on monday. the husband and i decided to celebrate CNY by ourselves instead of sunday night which was when everyone else of course had reunion dinner. i must admit it was a very small deal here, CNY i mean, and we unite all the time, him and i, and having no telly we didn't know the chinese gardens had some kind of celebration which we missed, so only inspired by talking to my mum who told me all about all the lovely food my parents were having despite being only the two of them, i/we decided not to be so lazy and be more festive. after all, it's as important as christmas and new year!

(that is such a long convoluted sentence and i don't care!!! i feel very english no power at the moment, so...)

since we always have lovely meals together we thought for CNY we wouldn't do the typical huge spread, (plus we spoiled our appetites just before dinner time by having snacks from the bakery) and instead decided we'd make bah kwa (indispensable and unavailable here), mock shark's fin soup (real shark's fin? are you crazy? animal activist alert!) and ondeh-ondeh (not very CNY but inspired by a kueh-making friend we met up with recently).

there were some mishaps and suffice to say the soup was unauthentic, but yummy, while the bah kwa lacked the charcoal BBQ touch. we had looked for charcoal earlier but there wasn't any to be bought. Humbug! Ondeh ondeh didn't materialise because the glutinous rice flour was sold out. oh well.

here is a picture of the bah kwa, version 3 (in all i made about 5 sheets of bah kwa, all turned out different. i'm going to practice until i figure out how best to do it. can't blindly follow recipes, you know!) i don't think it's very unhealthy at all, not the way it's made at home anyway. there's little if any oil (guess you only need that for BBQing) and only as much sugar as a typical cake or batch of cookies, so no trouble at all!

From LJ pics

last night we had pie for dinner. lik had made the filling ages ago and boiled and simmered and stewed it to perfection while i was responsible for defrosting the pastry, putting the pie together and baking it ha! had it with a local hot sauce (from Kaitaia, northern most bit of NZ lucky people can grow chillies) and it was lovely!

anyway more updates on the garden and knitting front later! i'm off to annihilate my to-do list before we leave friday morning!

last night the couple we were with looked rather scandalised when i said i thought food, and eating, was too repetitive for me. eat, eat, eat, three meals a day. these days i'm rather over food. never know what i want to eat, and while i'll happily make something that either cleverly uses ingredients we have or that sounds new and interesting (or on the man's request) i tend to put off eating till i'm really hungry and then it doesn't matter what i eat, cos i don't have to figure out what i want to eat, just eat whatever's there!

is food here boring? maybe cos we try to eat at home as much as possible. then again, at home we make a wider range of cuisine than can be obtained in restaurants and cafes. maybe cos i always want to try something new, but the lack of familiarity is sometimes daunting. helps to have a pantry well stocked with ingredients and a full herb garden though, and i think i'm getting better at making healthy tasty food regularly (that's the best approach. cook heaps when i feel like it and freeze for lazy days. works well with the sorts of food we like namely stews, curries, casseroles, soups, slow hearty things)

today for lunch i thought i ought to eat something proper. so i wandered into the kitchen and opened all the cupboards, as i do. caught sight of the maseca and was inspired to make corn tortilla from scratch! only made them twice before and there was still a nice full packet of masa. the man tends to think making pasta or tortilla or chapati from scratch takes longer than opening a packet and cooking something from the supermarket, but i disagree. i made two tortilla in the time it would have taken to toast two slices of bread! had them with baked beans and a fried egg. simple, but filling and yummy. there's something about a fried egg with a runny yolk that can't be beat!

oh remember the post i wrote some time ago about the chair i really wanted? i didn't it would ever materialise at first but today we're off to pick it up from the shop we ordered it from during the christmas sale! yippee! it's going to be my new knitting chair :) wahahaha!

Since I have been entirely unoccupied this summer, I have taken the opportunity to do some cooking and baking. Haven't taken any photos; these days it's more satisfying to see the husband enjoying himself than to have pictures to prove to myself that I once cooked this or that. I take this as a sign of becoming more comfortable and mature in this area - I produce food to fill tummies and bring pleasure rather than as a personal challenge to myself now. I'm quite happy about that.

The latest batches of cookies seem to have really gone down well with the husband, especially when he's studying, which is a lot of the time. I was aiming for as plain a biscuit as possible with a chocolate filling. Specifically, the root of this endeavour was me missing those Prince biscuits I used to dip in Milo when I was living in France. There aren't any Prince biscuits or anything even close here. So I looked in the Edmond's Cookery Book (of course, where else?) and found a recipe for "Plain biscuits". They didn't turn out like I expected. I was hoping for something like Marie biscuits but what I got were lovely, but inaccurate, plain butter-sugar-egg-flour cookies. Aiyah. Nonetheless I filled them with a half melted chocolate and half Nutella filling, which hardened when set. The husband liked them so much I made another two batches, but changed the filling a little because it was tiresome to work with chocolate that kept wanting to solidify. Anyway the Prince biscuit filling is more cocoa creme than solid chocolate. More like a cocoa icing rather than cream. Not that it mattered to the husband. So now there is a huge tupperware of cookies on the study desk. Seeing that he liked them so much I told him he could eat as many as he wanted, and that I could/would make more. But he was really good and has been rationing them, instead of finishing up the whole lot, which is not uncommon when a packet of store-bought biscuits is opened in this house.

So no success producing Prince-type biscuits but rather satiated on the chocolate-sandwich-biscuit front. They *were* good for dipping so I was happy.

The other thing of note that I recently made was a Thai Fish Curry, notably, completely from scratch. No paste of any kind. Only good fresh herbs and dried spices from my spice rack. I had gleaned what I wanted from several recipes on the internet and adapted them to suit (I love doing that. No one single recipe will usually be adopted unchanged.) Best part of it was going outside with a bowl and scissors to snipsnipsnip the herbs. They like it, being cut! It encourages more new tender growth. Good for them and good for me. :) The curry turned out very aromatic, quite authentic, though a little soupy, like Tom Kar soup, probably because I used coconut cream Lite instead of regular coconut cream. But the second day I boiled it down and it was perfect. I think I'll make it again. I love dishes that can be cooked spontaneously with stuff I always have in the pantry and herbs I have growing outside, like kaffir lime and basil (I used basil flower buds). That kaffir lime made a remarkable contribution to the taste. I LOVE kaffir lime leaves. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. I ate every sliver there was. They have a good bite but aren't tough. And the next application seems obvious - some kind of stirfry. With lots of garlic. Yum!