We had a lovely long weekend in welly. Flew in on Thurs and enjoyed the warm weather for all but one day (sat). Did a bit of shopping (chalkydigits was having a sale and my sweet man bought my an organic cotton hoodie in "falafel" and i LOVE it! wearing it as i type now) but not too much. visited our by-now regular shao la joint and maxed out again. we're getting better at estimating our stomach capacities but when it comes to sio bak and roast duck, fat chance! it was yummy!

no pics sorry because we didn't bring the camera. we stayed in a nice studio apartment on the terrace which was a steal from wotif and great location although i think we have become soft. we found the city too noisy and well, city-ish! how! people from sg cannot handle welly? omg! too many sirens and things? luckily we were on the 13th floor but still. not exactly quiet. i found i really missed waking up to birdsong and peace and quiet.

the husband's exam went well too or better than he expected, he was so nervous before but all the prayer helped and God poured out lots of grace. as an aside my first result came back "provisionally", which apparently means pre-moderation. well, "provisionally" i got full marks for my exam! crazy! Glory to God, who doesn't do mediocrity. It wasn't me! You'd believe me if you saw my half-baked "study notes"... I am a grateful recipient of His grace!

No the garden didn't take over again while we were gone, ha! Mustn't let that happen again. Have also been recently been under the husband's influence quite engrossed in Battlestar galatica, despite my initial reservations and some very annoying blonds I find myself quite pulled into their lives.

We might go back to Singapore (yes, again, the old "maybe") so stay tuned.

We are enjoying being home very much. I honestly think our home is nicer than many hotels and holiday homes so if only we could bring it with us to new places that would be perfect. L is studying for another 2 weeks then he's done studying for the year. Yes only for the year. More next year! Will it ever stop yo I don't know.

That's the update for now! Back to my summer light reading. Tess of the D'Urbervilles anyone?

I often forget how big and incredible God is.
Incredible, as in, not credible, as in, cannot be believed.

It's hard for a small insignificant person to understand this. Like me.
Not that I'm insignificant compared to Bob or Bill or Mary or Anna.
That misses the point.

Insignificant in the grand scheme of things, in the bigger picture, in the wider context.
God is not only bigger than my exam, or my problem, or my whole life.
He is bigger than my life plus those of my friends, my family, my ancestors and descendants for generations before and after me. He is bigger than entire lives, businesses, empires, kingdoms, the whole earth.
This DVD provided me a lot of perspective. God is so much bigger than our tiny planet, than our tiny solar system, our tiny galaxy.

I cannot get my head around the thought, "Yet, despite, nonetheless, He loves me so much. Why?"
There are no words, sometimes. I think I need to be reminded very regularly what perspective is. God is more than the wish-granter, more than provider of my needs, more than saviour of the human race. The human race itself is insignificant in the bigger picture. I liked how Louie Giglio said all those breath-taking constellations and fearsome, unknowable structures out in space were simply to hang around and glorify God. That's amazing.

very full from dinner at Friendly Khmer Noodle House. yummy pad thai with no beansprouts! we're concerned about the level of MSG, which has caused us both sleepless nights recently, but I'm feeling ok for now so don't think about it until I have to. a few headachy days too. wonder if its got anything to do with running out of meds!

Have been having lots of weird and awful dreams. A few fitful restless nights recently. A few tired grumpy days. The days are counting down though. I wonder if when all this is over and I'm on holiday, will I mind the bad/cold weather still? Probably. It was down to like 6 degrees today! Spring! Hello!

I'm editing my final assignment, then I've got some notes to highlight for my open book exam, and preparation for the very last viva. sigh. not inspired.

anyway it's been ok. top on the list for things that help/sustain me = God. second is my sweet husband, and he's been soooo good and supportive and loving and caring even when I'm downright Miss Grumpy Pants. I know it, I feel it. I'm so blessed. (third is my laptop, which my husband bought for me!)

ok back to work. sigh.

 The countdown has begun!

This is the last week of class (last day Thurs). Then next week it's study and assessment week. Got 3 assignments and 1 exam next week.
Then the week after, viva and another exam and another assignment.

But thanks to God this semester I'm well, not plagued by headaches, not stressed, I'm happy, the house is relatively tidy, I'm exercising at the gym regularly (very regularly for me, and seeing my endurance improve noticeably!).

I got my first result back for this semester - my DFO exam part A which is 40% of the grade. 
God generously gave me 78.5/80!  Amazing! Well it was an open book exam. No credit to me all to Him!

I'm going to get round to taking a picture of my turtleneck and I've got my hands into my new super chunky yarn that arrived from America on Saturday. I got 2 colours, two different brands to make a cardigan and a vest. Whee! Got massive needles too 15mm! Only $4.99 from spotlight.

I'm SO looking forward to these two weeks finishing then it's summer holidays! Got to get stuck in the garden again, got the ball rolling on the new kitchen, so many improvements to be made to the house. And a weekend in welly late November together, and other exciting things. 

Life rocks at the moment despite a heap of assignments and 2 exams to go. Life with God rocks!

50% of the placement is over as of today. I'm officially half way through (yes midway was a bit early).

the only other thing i wanted to say was that i came home today (i was first one home) to find a package leaning against the front door. it had a bright orange sticker on it that said "Fragile Avoid Heat"....


(what was it?)


... a box of 16 chocolates from de Spa Chocolatier in Christchurch, ordered by my sweet husband who heard me go on about my chocolate craving over the weekend (which by the way i'm sure is caused by my impending first-period-in-half-a-year, which i hope is also causing my bloatedness - i popped a button my work pants yesterday and had to sew it back on and reinforce the other one! ack!)


well thank God for picking me a house to live in that is not only 5 minutes from work, at the foot of gorgeous hills, but also features a front door that faces south, so that the whole house prevented any sun (and it was hot as today) from getting onto my little package of love. nothing is coincidental and blessings are never mediocre with this Father of ours! otherwise i might have come home to a sweet brown puddle to clean up.

had a nice long walk after i got home and opened my present :) then home for a lovely dinner, dessert and watched some tv, did some work. now with warm milk and biscuits in my tummy, i think i'm ready to crawl into bed. *yawn* 

guess i should update.

this semester is structured exactly the same as last semester, so 4 weeks in class, then placement (with 1 week holiday/travel time before and after) for 5 weeks, then back to class and straight onto the home stretch, assignments and exams. i didn't like it last semester, and i struggled very much with getting back to the right mode (ie last lap instead of just beginning) maybe cos i had 10 days off in between. struggled horribly also with health and mood but in the end in my weakness God provided me with strength so that because of Him and his grace and blessings, i came back with better results than in year 1. Got 3 A+s and 3 As. Topped in a few subjects.

more and more i realise i am nothing without Him, and thank God, goodness and everything that i don't have to do anything on my own strength. i couldn't manage for sure!

i'm now at the end of my first week of placement and because God picked this one out for me specially, it's been nothing short of excellent. great OT team, i'm fitting in nicely, they're all interesting and talk about stuff i am actually interested in such as chickens and lambs (!!) and great MDT, the nurses and docs are approachable and lovely, i'm having a good time socialising and learning much about conditions and stuff as well! how's that for incredible! the charge nurse manager even brought me a model of a colon when i asked her what 'diverticulitis' was! i'm going to name him Charlie the Colon, he lives in the nurses' station now. There's also a ward cat called Norman and at home there's a black cat called "Blue". funny animals, they are. skulking around suspiciously looking suspicious of everyone/thing and at the same time acting suspiciously as well. 

this week has been full of patient contact, assessments of different types, OT issues and interventions of different sorts, i think in the first week i learned more than in my 4 weeks at WH! crazy. i'm also more confident now about my own knowledge and contribution and about asking things i don't know.

i'm living in a huge L shaped brick house and takes me no more than 5 minutes to get from home to the office. when we leave for the day (and i like how the OTs leave at 4.30 on the dot, because these people have lives and real things to do after work, like feeding the lambs, and there's no need to ALB) we part at the main entrance because they are walking to the car and me to the house. i reckon we take the same amount of time to get to our destinations. we take our keys out but mine are house keys and theirs car keys. it's really refreshing to get home in the time i would have taken to reach the car! 

been eating well, treating myself to lots of veggies and fruit and good proper meals. i usually take a sandwich in for lunch, consisting of non-white bread, pesto, cheese, salami, tomato and baby spinach. yum! and a pottle of yogurt. and at morning tea i have some dark chocolate thins to dip into my coffee/tea, and muesli bars/bananas for afternoon tea and right after work. i get home and go for a jog immediately. doesn't take long and i'm home before sunset.

think i might sleep earlier tonight though i'm only due in at 830. bit of a fieldtrip tomorrow, doing a cognitive assessment on a deaf woman through her daughter and then going on a home visit. done by lunchtime yay! Saturday hopefully go for a walk in the hills as the weather looks promising and sunny.  

 last night after dinner i was about to take a shower when L came in and said, "We're having an earthquake." He took my free hand, (the other clutching my towel) and asked, "Can't you feel it?" A pause and then yes, I felt the house swaying. Not trembling like I'd once felt in Sg and not vibrating but a gentle sway, like we were on a boat, or like (which I earlier thought) I had had too much wine for dinner. "This feels just like when I'm drunk!" I informed him. He led me to the living room where we considered which table we should sit under (I read that in the event of an earthquake, stay under a doorway or a table). We have two hefty solid tables, my study table and the dining table. We decided the dining table was better (solid, space for two of us to stay together and towards the front of the house, which is upslope and hence less space under the house and more stable). 

For awhile nothing happened, and we wandered around the house together. I felt strange and small, like we could be wiped out anytime. I could have been found dead clutching a large purple towel! We decided to stay together for awhile so we went back into the kitchen where he had been putting food away. He told me he had seen the blinds move and then felt the movement and gone to look for me. While we watched, the blinds started moving again, ever so gently, as if there was a breeze, which there wasn't. In the living room, the pendant lights were swaying slightly, again as if there was a breeze, but nothing else moved. No glasses sliding off shelves or anything. It was weird and surreal because it was so slight, yet perceptible. Like a warning. 

L went to see if anything had been written about the earthquake but nothing had been yet. Not immediately, too early, I told him. I thanked God for protecting us and prayed for anyone who had been hurt. 

Today, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, there's news on the earthquake, which I'd forgotten until I read the txt from my best friend in sg. I reassured her we were fine. I went about my day productively, all the time knowing we could have easily been closer to the centre, and the swaying could have been less gentle, just by a slight bit we were spared. Everyday our lives are spared when others are taken. It's a miracle we live day after day, each day is a gift and a miracle. 

 We had a great time in Wellington just relaxing, eating, drinking, making merry etc. The apartment we stayed in was on the dock so that it was right smack in town and close to everything but minus the noise and traffic. It was a one bedroom, just the right size for us, with a lovely bathroom with underfloor heating. That, I will miss. Everything was so comfy it was impossible not to relax and be happy! We explored town well and truly, shopped a lot, ate amazing food and generally lived it up in the big city. Saw a play, a french film and a comedy improv at a bar. 

The day after we arrived home was our anniversary! After the week-long festivities, we decided to mark the day by going out for a nice dinner at a new flashy restaurant near our house. It didn't disappoint. We didn't take any pics of the food (we would look so unglam and everyone would stare!), or of ourselves (rain- and wind-swept and I remembered why Dunedin life is incompatible with dressing up and wearing makeup.) but we had a lovely time. And then we came home, sat in front of the fire with the rest of the bottle of wine we started at the restaurant and re-read our wedding vows to remind ourselves of what we committed to, and to try with renewed vigour to carry them out as best we can. I don't know what other people think of wedding vows, but they generally don't say "I promise to try and be a good spouse when I feel like it". Those would be easy to keep. But ours promise body and mind etc, very full on so I was glad we went over them. I think husbands and wives need to be reminded of what the promise was, in order to keep them. 

After the weekend L went back to work starting at a new clinic down the hill from us, and this chapter will see us save lots of petrol money cos he walks up and down the hill to/from work, and he also signed up at flashy Les Mills in town. I'll continue to patronise good ol' Unipol. I must say when we went with the free trial passes to Les Mills, I did miss Fitness First. This gym is probably the most flash but still a good long way from the flashy gyms in Singapore. Can't believe they used to even give out workout clothes and provide all kinds of toiletries! Are Singaporeans the most pampered or what! There's no reason why everyone who is a gym member in Singapore shouldn't be super fit! Well I found myself thinking if I didn't have to bring anything except my socks and shoes to the gym, which was the case in FF but no longer here, it would be so convenient to go all the time! Yeah right. I don't remember going that much, though who knows when I get used to this if I ever join a gym in Sg again I will be so awe struck by how convenient it is I'll go... all the time! 

This week I've been taking it easy and enjoying myself by doing whatever I feel like when it takes my fancy. No such luxury when term restarts! I've been making food, reading, doing chores around the house, lots of knitting (still working on that scarf but almost there!)...

Next week I should probably start shifting my body clock away from 10 or 11am getting up times and more towards 6 or 7am. Sigh. And maybe do some reading. The results are starting to come back to us and I hope that motivates me to work harder and prepare more for next sem, although I am fully aware none of this is of my own strength, but God's grace and blessings. When I am weak He is strong, hooray! There is hope for me yet.

Waiting for the firewood guy to deliver 5m3 of firewood but he hasn't rung. Didn't give me an ETA either so I've been pottering around the house within earshot of the phone. Later I'll make a shepherd's pie for dinner. :) This week is probably the most varied in terms of dinner menu cos I've got the time and energy (and equipment, I lately realised is very important) to make nice meals. We had pork-and-prawn dumplings with noodles in homemade chicken stock on Monday, then homemade pizza-from-scratch on Tuesday, then Coq au Vin last night with rice and roasted pumpkin last night, and shepherd's pie tonight. Tomorrow, possible a chicken pilaf or a Turkish lamb something-or-other with pita bread and yoghurt. Also did an Upside Down Apple Cake which tasted lovely but almost caused me a massive rage cos the cake refused to cook properly at first. And finally used up the last of the apples from our tree yesterday making dried apple rings for L to eat with cereal.

Productive and happy! :)

1. Carrying me through a full day of classes, even though I woke up with a headache.
2. Giving me the words to say during my two presentations and in answer to questions by lecturer.
3. Blessing me with a full hot lunch.
4. Giving me a bonus 2.5 hours off today, one in the morning and the rest by finishing early.
5. Allowing me to catch the bus right away so I didn't have to wait around.
6. Helping me up the hill with my ENORMOUS bag.
7. Guiding me to find kindling in the back yard (!!) for making a fire. Seems to be going well despite sizzling sounds. No smoke though.
8. Answering my prayers
9. ALWAYS providing my needs whether I ask or not. That's not just today.

Therefore it's all Him that I lived through today. It's been a long one I must say. But He also helped me to do some sowing and food prep when I got home. And I feel enough energy thanks to Him to do some homework! That is incredible seeing as I really wanted to come home at 9am this morning and head to bed that's all I could imagine managing to do...

Praise God who sustains me :) All honour and glory is His. 

 I suppose I should update.
Haven't achieved much since I got back, except spending a lot of time bonding with my husband :) 
Haven't studied, the garden is a shambles, did do some clearing up, cleaning/housework, have been doing a LOT of washing, which is great, and I knitted a beanie. Picture to come.

Been feeling very much unmotivated, until today. Finally my desperate prayers were answered and I feel renewed interest in life, strength, purpose and self-efficacy. Did all school and household filing/accounting and my desk is clear and ready to take on a new heap of papers and books in the coming weeks. There are 8 weeks til the winter holidays and only 5 of those have classes. Then it'll be assessments and assignments again. It all starts on Monday with a Fieldwork debrief, which is rather zo bo. Then Tues is off for studying, Wed pm exam, Thurs full day and Fri half day Ethics Workshops, whatever that means. I got this all off the draft timetable for next week. Hope that Fri pm stays free cos the man and I are heading away for the weekend woohoo!  Date! 

The weather is still rather good considering it's mid April. Had some wintry days but the temperatures are climbing this week to a high of 17 or 18 again max in the daytime, which is awesome! Sun energises me and gives me go, grey skies do not. And cold temperatures promote inertia and hibernation.

But alas no more hibernation from next week onwards! Body clock, no more slacking! Everyone, back to your positions, holidays are over. Back to school mode!

Made two savoury mince pies for dinner last night and had some leftover filling on potatoes from the garden. (Also used some in the Pureed Chicken and Roasted Pumpkin/Carrot/Garlic soup the night before.)  Considering we didn't plant any of them, God has been generously providing us with late, late potatoes. Since I got home we have had 3 big harvests. It's really fun and satisfying to harvest potatoes from the garden (well especially if you did plant them, which we didn't, so it's just fun for me) because unlike other crops which you eyeball from the time they are tiny and count each flower, leaf and fruit to reassure yourself they are growing, potatoes are a total surprise. You know how many plants there are, but not how many potatoes each will have. So on harvest day you just dig a bit, feel around a bit and one by one they pop up as pleasant little surprises. We have both yellow and red ones and they show up so well against the dark soil. It's lovely :)

Tonight we have another date. We used to go to the gym together before I went to Welly and since I got back as I said I have been super slack but on Wed I did a proper workout, by which I mean a sustained amount of time on cardio machines (30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes cycle - thanks to iPod) and proper aching muscles the next day (chest, butt, arm - mmm!) from weights. I shall now endeavour to return to my previous routine of gymming every other day (with a measure of flexibility). So tonight after work we start with dinner together at home, then a gym date, then shower and head out for drinks. It's been awhile!

I'm soooo happy to be home again. Felt like I'd been away much, much longer than I actually have, and I think that's because I was so engaged in life in Welly, which is good, but it's even better being home with my sweetie again.

L was off yesterday so although the weather was horrible, we dressed sensibly and headed out after a long, slow morning together, into the country. Had a bit of a drive and then we went into town and mucked about. I love mucking about with him. We checked out the new mall (flash but still bare), went into some shops having sales and finally got him a black cardigan that I must say is rather metro, but of course looks good on him, and a slinky sleep top for me. Nice! Had a dinner date at my favourite restaurant then headed home early to spend more quality couple time together. It's been really enjoyable catching up and talking and enjoying each other's company knowing we don't have to say goodbye again for at least a few weeks. It's a luxury and a blessing to go to sleep together and wake up together and spend the day together. Today he's at work but it's a glorious sunshiney day and I'm making good use of it to unpack, do some washing, cleaning, spruce up the house a bit, not that he let it go to pot when I was away (and contrary to many women/wives warning me otherwise, I did not come home to a pigsty. My husband's not that kind of guy fortunately.) I came home to vacuumed rooms, a scrubbed bath (he knew that was high on my priority list post-journey), no heaps of dishes in the sink (instead they were clean in the dishwasher) and even some pretty tulips on my bedside table! Plus, bubbly in the fridge and chocolates in the bedroom. Mmmmm. *bliss out*

Today we had breakfast together and when he headed to work I began work too. Been rather productive in terms of housework. :) But not rushed or stressed, just cruising along. Which is great. We've also been blessed with another long weekend to look forward to, beginning this evening and lasting till Monday! I'm so glad I came home on Wed instead of Sunday, which was the original plan. I'm so glad my supervisor was leaving Welly on Wed so I could too (in fact we were on the same plane).

Wandered out into the garden to check things out earlier. The weeds are bigger so I know the soil's getting more fertile with all that compost we put on it. Ha. Well that's fine cos I'm not planting for awhile. We had some courgettes from the garden yesterday and today I might pick some tomatoes and bring them in to ripen since the heat isn't reliable (fine and sunny this weekend, but a max of 15 degrees - it's definitely autumn).

I also picked my first apple of the season from our tree out front. The apples are bigger and less diseased than last year, and I didn't do anything to it. Therefore I conclude that last year they didn't do so well because the previous owners had put chemicals on it and the tree was still trying to get over that, it's managed to do that and recover over this year so this season the apples are gorgeous! I ate the one I picked fresh off the tree, and it was delicious. Crunchy, sweet and tart. Lovely lovely lovely! Thank God for growing such beautiful yummy apples for us :)

Hopefully this weekend we can head out for a daytrip to a special place we discovered in summer out in the country. It's a beautiful spot by a river whose name we didn't know, so we named it after a black dog we saw splashing around in it. It's a great spot to sit and enjoy the view with a picnic! I've really missed L's cooking. Though I've eaten well in Welly and taken care of myself in terms of cooking proper dinners with lots of veggies and having lots of sleep, it can't beat having a gourmet meal cooked with style and love from the husband. He's really good at that. I always tell him I'll definitely come back to his restaurant again lol :p

Off to put out a second load of washing. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Today many years ago, He sent his only son Jesus to die and pay the price of our sins. So that we can celebrate the victory of Jesus' blood over death and destruction. I'm looking forward to celebrating with God's people on Resurrection Sunday.

Count your blessings, people!

I love free wifi, which is what Wellington Airport offers (plug plug plug!)

Got a ride with the family so that saved me a lot of road stress (hate rush hour! definitely won't miss that when I'm back in good old Dunners) and got me here nice and early. Sat around abit with them and sent S off then P left and I am sitting in the evening sun on my lappy rather happy. Got some food and snacks and things so all set for the next 1.5 hours or so. Got my fat book I haven't even got halfway through, or an article on my desktop, qualitative research on seclusion experiences in Lesotho, or this, the world wide web. And my iPod.

Something smells familiar, and nice and warm. Smells like... lu3 ya1 or cha2 ye4 dan4, both of which would be rather unusual here, but not entirely impossible.

Feel rather organised cos I remembered to tie up all loose ends at work. ended the day quite nicely, with just the boss and my supervisor, and the boss had read a card I had written to the whole team and given to my other supervisor at lunch, and she really liked it and said to remember them when I was looking for a job in 1.5 years time; I said I would promote this placement to the juniors, and certainly it's set a very high standard for me and later placements are going to be hard pressed to match up, certainly I don't imagine that placements are meant to get higher and higher in standard, there'll be some shitty ones I'm sure but maybe with a proper caseload and more responsibility and more client contact it'll be more fun. But anything acute already sort of sets itself up for my disapproval. When I got home (had rushed up the hill, sort of) it was all quiet and the garage door was closed so I thought I'd missed both of them, saying goodbye, but after I finished packing I went upstairs to make my sandwich to take with me and voila they were both there! They agreed to wait for me to go together but in the end I was ready before S was, and I managed to strip the bed as well and put the linen in the laundry. I'm happy about that. Had meant to take the rubbish out but someone'd beat me to it.

The whole day was running a bit late or tight on time, but it's all good cos I prayed and God's doing His thing and the weather's great, I never got wet or blown about in the wind, got a ride, here early, remembered everything, it's sweet!

How sweet it is to be loved by Him!

God also showed His hand again yesterday when I went to Vincents and found that the dish I'd made in the art workshop in the acute ward two weeks ago had just that day been fired and packed away in a box to take back to the hospital. I had asked the art tutor to put mine aside in Vincents and not bring it back to the hospital together with the rest cos I wanted to pick mine up and take it back to Dunedin, and I wouldn't be back at hospital. She agreed but apparently forgot. When I arrived yesterday, I bumped into her at the door and recognised her, and reminded her who I was. I was not a day too early nor too late! If I hadn't gone yesterday, which I almost didn't cos it was late and I was tired, I would have missed the chance to pick up my piece. If I had gone last week as I'd originally planned on my day off, but changed my mind about, it would have been too early and the piece would not have been fired and ready to take away. Praise God because He is never late nor early but just perfect. :)

God honoured me lots today!

In the morning I was chatting to the woman who sits behind me in the office. I don't work directly with her, cos she does stats and business reports, but we do have morning coffees together sometimes and we have talked quite a bit over the time I've been here. I was telling her that my last day was next Wed and she exclaimed was it my last week already? and time has gone so fast! and i said yes i felt the same and then she said i seem like one of the staff and I thought that was so sweet because that meant I had fit in well with the team and got on and been accepted as one of the staff. All this time I have always felt that I haven't once been treated as "just the student" even though that's how I introduce myself everytime I'm at the receptionist's desk using the computer and someone comes in with a delivery or something wanting a signature. Lol.

Later during supervision, my supervisor who's also one of two service leaders (the second level below the Wellington regional manager) said that if I were qualifying soon, I would have a job if I wanted one, and said that the other service leader had asked how long more before I qualified. Well, seeing as I'm in second year, semester one, quite awhile to go. But it was a great honour cos while we hear of people getting jobs from their last placement of year 3, I haven't yet heard of people getting job offers from the first placement in year 2! I'm absolutely stoked and I'm glad to hear that cos I can really imagine myself working with this team, though it's a bit harder imagining myself living here. Well there are other bits and suburbs I haven't checked out yet, so maybe it's possible yet.

And then this evening I received an email from a girl I had met at the human rights workshop yesterday, her company is a private peer-led service that organised it and we had had a lovely 2 hour chat after the workshop in the office with other people chiming in as and when. It's a very open office and obviously a tight team. No hiding away behind partitions and in cubicles. She said in her email that everyone in the office had said "how great you were" and that I had the stamp of approval from the company, which means something to me because they are all consumers.

I am so inspired to be part of this revolution gathering momentum. It was really heartening reading a publication by the Mental Health Consumer Advocacy group that said what I thought, and felt. I agree with this stuff! No more cognitive dissonance like being forced to dehumanise and depersonalise clients because the INSTITUTION says so. I love it! This is interesting day to day stuff (I interviewed a lady by myself today because my supervisor was tied up by an impromptu visit from the psychiatrist and she told me very clearly and certainly how she went to work at Parliament twice a week at 7am, and even elaborated on her portfolio, which is Education. It wasn't crazy blabbering or a joke, but a firm, fixed delusion. Said in the same tone, voice and breath as telling me she went shopping for groceries once a week and watched telly in the evenings) but real cutting edge life changing macro stuff and its great! We are on the cusp of a historical milestone like female emancipation, end of apartheid etc. Woohoo!

I want to be part of this. Thank God for blessing me with this experience and all the wonderful opportunities and people placed in my path!

pretty tired, and i think there are two reasons for that - having a bush walk today which was incredibly hot and sunny, and eating too much for dinner. I had cooked a big pot of mince, carrots, tomatoes, onions, garlic on Thursday and it had lasted me until today, which is 4 meals, and is on the verge of too long in the fridge (though i always heat it up thoroughly) so although it could have been two meals or perhaps a meal and a half, i finished it. had it on a bed of boiled potato and raw baby spinach. yum! i splurged at the bakery on friday for desserts for the weekend, partly because its the weekend before my most stressful week at work, though quite a big part of the reason was that i was waiting ages for the ATM and the bakery happened to be there! i wandered in and thought ok i'll treat myself and then i felt bad just buying one item so i bought another. oh well. bakeries are not cheap! i had a slice of bavarian apple cake last night and tonight (or tomorrow night if i remain this full) i have a custard tart. yum.

yesterday i stayed at home and relaxed and it was a hugely hot day so i did some washing, vacuumed my room, changed and washed the sheets, which is my Sat routine by now. i quite like having a routine for cleaning and washing, cos then i don't have to work out which is the best day to do it, and it's fixed. we don't even have fixed routines for cleaning or washing at home! but here i do. it gives a little structure to my week, since i'm missing my husband whose collaboration usually produces some kind of structure to the week normally. did some work too. and walked to j'ville to buy groceries and visit the bank (and was waylaid by the bakery).

today i went to church with S and it was really interesting. M gave a sermon involving themes picked from several books and Bible verses. it was about Christians being rich, and middle class, and no longer going out to reach towards the marginalised, that Jesus used to do. And the verses were somewhat "radical" ones, like giving a banquet for the poor and homeless, is that literal? (i think so) and the rich young man who asked how to gain eternal life and was told to sell up and give to the poor and follow Jesus and he went away sad cos he was too rich, and the sheep being separated from the goats, depending on whether they gave food to the hungry, a drink to the thirsty, clothes to the naked and visited those who were sick or in prison and Jesus said whenever they did that to "one of the least of these" they did it to Him.

then i went into town and who did I meet but "one of the least of these". i was sitting alone on a bench waiting for my friend. a drunk man was singing and carrying on and lay down to sleep on the street. then he got up after a while and came and sat next to me. remembering what we had discussed just this morning i spoke to him nicely, with respect and without negativity. we chatted awhile, about where we were from, introduced ourselves etc, and shook hands. (i remember the friendliness of drunkenness). after awhile he asked me for some money and i hesitated and finally said i didn't think i could help him. i was struggling because as he later said, he wanted some dollars to buy a beer, he said he needed a beer. i tried to steer the conversation to did he live around here, so i could suggest he went home to rest, cos he looked like he really needed some sleep and food perhaps. if he'd asked me for money for food i would have said yup let's go get you a sandwich. but he said he was going to get a beer. so i said i didn't think i could help him and eventually he said he would try asking someone else, and i said ok, and my friend arrived so we left for lunch.

is it my place to judge what he uses the money for, knowing he needs it? does this count as "needing" money? does he "need" a beer the way a hungry person needs food? i don't know. i came home and shared this with both P and S to see what they thought or what they would have done. P said he would also have bought the man food but not given him money for beer while S didn't have any concrete suggestions. P asked if a man in a burning house wanted some kerosene, should we give it to him cos he wanted it? is that analagous?

i might pose this question to my old BS group and current home group and see what they think, what they would have done. on my part, i felt i did right speaking to him like to any other person, not judging him, but then in my heart i was gradually afraid that if i steered the conversation too much or tried to make suggestions of what he did need, he might get upset and possibly aggressive. but i didn't treat him like he was going to be aggressive at all, didn't draw away, shook his hand when he offered it twice, looked him in the eye, didn't move away until my friend came. i wasn't afraid of him, only thought he *might* get upset, which was a possibility same as anyone. i could have offered a meal instead but i didn't. did i lack courage? i don't know. it's not the money, so maybe i just wasn't confident enough to do as Jesus would have, which i guess is to say "You don't need a beer, come let's go and get something to eat together". I don't think my friend would have been very thrilled at that though.

Any thoughts?

After that we went for a walk in the bush and it was beautiful, plus a proper uphill climb that left us both slightly puffed. I felt I got a proper workout, which is good. A good use of a beautiful Sunday.

Tomorrow, starts another week that will zoom by. The only difference is I can't let this one go by without achieving what I need to do. There's going to be a lot, a lot of prayer, and I know a lot of prayer will be answered too.

10 days to go!

Psalm 139
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

God showed me that He knows and cares about the big and little things that I do and that happen to me. Earlier this week He turned a wintry, grey, cloudy, wet Wellington into beautiful blue skies and sunny days that we've enjoyed for a few days and seems set to stay for a wee bit longer. Prayer does work.

Today He showed me again that even when I'm not actively thinking about what is going to happen or what I have to do (maybe *because* I wasn't actively trying to control/plan everything), He is at work. I left work a few minutes later than I'd planned to catch the bus into town for my appointment at the Family Planning Clinic. They had rung me 7, yes 7 times earlier that morning to try and shift my appointment earlier because the clinic was closing early. As I left the building I saw the bus coming and started to run. Halfway I knew I wasn't going to make it (had to run across motorway junctions!) and stopped. At that same moment I saw a car in the bus bay. I took awhile to recognise a lady from work who offered me a ride. She was going towards town and I gratefully hopped in. She told me she went right through town so she could drop me exactly where I was headed. Along the way we had a nice chat and when she dropped me off I was just in time, even a few minutes early. She had also saved me $4 bus fare. Earlier this morning I was worried about whether I would have enough cash to take the bus into town and home again ($4 cash each way, I don't have a bus card) cos I normally don't carry much cash. So I did have enough cash to go home. Prayer does work.

Praise God for not only listening to and answering prayer, but also working to take care of me when I'm not praying. That's maybe why despite news that Air NZ is going on strike on the Wed I'm scheduled to fly back to Dunedin, I'm not worried or feeling too anxious. As long as whatever happens is God's will, I'm sweet. He always knows what's best and I trust Him completely.